Pamper

I think my brain is broken right now. I'm not sure if it's because my sleep schedule is all messed up but I do think that has something to do with it. Anything and everything feels like just a bit too much for me right now. I feel like a ton of people are demanding too much of me. Though that simply isn't the case, I'm too demanding on myself. I want to have my shit back together - instantly. But, I don't. It's one step at a time in the real world and I have to get used to that.

First on my list of priorities... me. Pampering myself would be worth it right about now and tonight that's what I plan to do. I have my little list of beauty treatments I like to do weekly and I haven't had a chance to do them completely in the last two weeks. They make me feel better both physically and mentally. Next thing I have to get a jump on... exercising. I want to get back to a gym soon. But, I just can't afford to put out anything extra for a while. So, I'll make do with my mom's treadmill, my bike, my own two legs for walking, and my friend's elliptical which she said is just collecting dust. She got it and then got pregnant.

I have an appointment in January to go up to NYC to get my hair done at Ouida. They specialize in curly hair. Can't wait to get myself a style. I'm sick of the look I've been carrying around forever. Except, of course, that interlude of horrible boy cut. Biggest mistake I ever made with my hair. The only thing I could imagine beating it would be going blonde. But, I'll never make that mistake so nothing much to worry about there. The biggest mistake has been made already.

Hopefully this jittery feeling I'm feeling will go away. I'm afraid I made a fool of myself at the meeting I went to this afternoon. I felt that rush of anger buzz through me during it, I hope no one else could see it. It's so embarrassing when that happens. Granted, sometimes I'm the only one affected by it but who knows what people may notice.