Thursday, December 31, 2009

Returning To School

Going back to class in January. Registered this morning and I have to admit I have mixed feelings about this one. I'm excited to get my life moving with my education again - I'm not so excited about having to take Spanish II. I just want to get my languages over with. The same way I wanted to get my maths over with. After that, it's going to be classes I'll enjoy, stuff I like learning about.

When I took Spanish 101 I wanted to really, truly learn the language but trying to do that in five weeks plus actually prepare for class every night AND work full time just proved to be too much for me. I got an A but there was alot of stress behind that letter. Now it's been a while and I'm hoping that I remember what I need to in order to make this work. I'd still love to learn the language but I just do not know how that would be possible without more Spanish speakers in my life.

Fingers crossed, here we go... Monday and Wednesday mornings at 11AM... 15 weeks in all. After that, I'm hoping they offer Personalized Fitness over the summer, I have to get that taken care of. I never withdrew from it so I've got a big, fat F on my transcript. That's got to be fixed.

A new year is coming and both Spice and Biff are saying it'll be their year. I'm hoping three's not a crowd. And if you want to join me in making 2010 your year... four or more would just mean it's a party.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Alive!

Biff called me at 12:15 last night to give me the news. Facebook comes through once again! Ok... this was the big one. This was a friend I'd had years ago whom I had to distance myself from. I loved her very much, which is why I had to distance myself. She was destroying herself and hurting me. Over the years I've thought and worried and resigned myself that she may no longer be with us. I hoped to at least see her again in the next life.

Our friendship piqued with one of the most defining moments of my life (though I did not know it when I was 18... I had no clue what the next 12 years held for me or the places that grief mixed with bipolar disorder can send you). A tragedy, a loss. Something I've put in my past now but something I'll never forget, nor do I truly want to. Somehow, I've wanted to honor his memory... forgetting about it wouldn't do that. His name is tattooed on my hip. I loved him like you love a brother. He died by his own hand.

She was his girlfriend and they loved each other much yet they were both self destructive. Both of them had known an incredible amount of pain in their young lives. She looks to have survived it. She was like a sister to me. Telling her I needed my distance was no easy task but I did it and was healthier for it. My ex's mother had banned her from the house and that was my last straw. I couldn't have her where I lived anymore and it was for good reason. She was an addict and she might steal something. She had already stolen from me. That rent money went somewhere. It didn't blow away in the wind.

Still - I love her. And I thought about her often - regularly. I'm not really one to hold grudges... though I do not forget how someone makes me feel. The way they make you feel is usually what determines if you want to be around them or not. Not saying there aren't people that I just simply dislike. I dislike a few. Strongly, some. But - not her. I never disliked her. She didn't make me feel bad... I always felt fine around her. Maybe a little younger (though in years I'm not but a few months younger) but that was only because she had her independence in high school... at a time when I had none. Both of us fell into two extremes... opposites in many ways but something underneath that clicked.

Maybe I'm making too much of this... but when defining moments come... as they did that November day, 12 years ago... everything around it that means much to you falls into a category that is unforgettable. The smells, the sounds, the phone calls that had to be made. The anger... the pain... the awful times that eventually blossom out a new person. Even if it takes forever.

I don't normally mention Him by name. But, on this one I thank God solely for bringing her back into my life - even if it's only to say hello quickly. And maybe now that time has healed alot of wounds we can make our friendship something new. Maybe... we'll see.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Ker-Plunk

Ker-plunk! That was the sound my credit card site made when I pressed the button this morning for my payment. Ker-plunk. It was a strange sound to hear coming from the PC's speakers. A strange sound, indeed.

Tomorrow I'll be able to look at my balance and know how ker-plunk feels. It's going to be good, I can already tell. From all these hours away.

Meanwhile, I received an email. From a guy from a long while ago. In the day or so that my profile was viewable on match, I've already heard that a couple of folks saw it. The guy who sent me the email was someone I communicated with briefly. We never did actually meet up... mostly because the one time he asked me was when he was getting together with his hockey team. Sound like the beginning of a porn movie? I thought so too... so I didn't go. I emailed him back, however. We'll see. Though I very much doubt it'll go anywhere beyond the pleasantries we've already exchanged.

And someone else has found their way back... and he's been better this time... though I'm certainly not counting on much. If he wants me, he can chase me. I'm owed that by now. Honestly, if any guy wants me, he can chase me. Not that I'm going to be unswerving or purposely difficult but I've got a good life by myself, I'm not ready to drop it for the sake of what might be... but I would be willing to alter it a bit for the sake of what is.

Ker-plunk! That's also the sound of me laying down the law in my dating life.

Monday, December 28, 2009

Random Thought #11

"How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?"

-taken from a forward

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Organization and Discipline

I drove to the bank with my heart racing. How about that, huh? No, I'm not THAT out of shape... I was excited. I received my loan check in the mail yesterday and today I deposited it. Just a couple days until it clears and the credit card company will be getting quite the lump sum from me. Woo-hoo! It's a relief. I can't even exactly begin to tell you. Step one down, lots of other steps to go. Getting my life into the shape I want it is a job all it's own.

I'm cutting back and budgeting and telling myself "no" sometimes. 2010 is going to be quite a year for me. Main focuses: school, training for the ride, getting myself into shape and onto a regular diet (cooking at home) that will help me sustain without having to forgo too much, writing and reading, dating, traveling and taking care of myself in the girly fun ways I simply don't do now. Or, at least, not nearly as much as I should.

Organization and discipline will have to become my friends in the next year. Let's just see how I do... shall we?

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Buon Natale

Christmastime is here. And right about now I can hear the kids from Charlie Brown's Christmas singing those words in my head. It's not so bad. I've still got quite a bit of work to do to before I am ready for Saturday. Saturday is when my family is getting together. Tomorrow is going to be relatively quiet except for the baking I'll be doing for the gathering. My party this year was a bust because of the snow but, luckily, the food won't be going to waste.

This is the first year in several (approximately four, hmm...) that I have felt the Christmas spirit. I actually went out shopping this year. The kids are getting toys instead of savings bonds. I'm hoping that next year I'll be able to get them both. My loved ones will actually have things to unwrap... I haven't felt like bothering with any of it in quite some time. But this year - as I started wrapping up the gifts and getting that backache from being hunched over on the floor, I remembered how much I loved it. How much I used to be thrilled before Christmas. How much I loved Christmas shopping... I mean, actually shopping... walking around the stores until you found something that fits. I missed shopping and didn't even realize it.

I am already planning how I'm going to handle next year. Yet, I still have to take this one in. There is so much work left to do at the moment. Baking, cooking, wrapping... and I scheduled an oil change for Saturday morning before the celebration gets started.

Either way, I'm glad Christmas is back for me. It is a good thing to see the beauty of it instead of feeling the burden. Curiosity does make me ask the question why Christmas has to be so tough when one is going through a tough time... what exactly about the season is so damn depressing? I guess when you are told to be "merry" but it just doesn't feel possible, it just makes it all the worse. Right now I feel like Scrooge coming out his cubby hole.

Buon Natale, people. Buon Natale.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Peace Quote #7

First, before I post the following... my nephew has been released. Don't know many more details than that at the moment but he's doing better. Yay!

Now... here's today's Peace Quote...

"When it seems like everyone in life is passing you by, and you feel somewhat "behind", realize that's just a sympton.

The underlying cure to the problem is to realize that everyone's journey in life is different.

And when you're confident of the journey you're taking, it doesn't really bug you when it comes to the speed or direction of other people's journey.

It's apples and oranges.

You can't compare.

Only choose what journey is just right for you."

-Brian Kim

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Ok... Today's Blog Is Sad

21-year-old raises money for her funeral
Her final Christmas wish
Updated: Tuesday, 22 Dec 2009, 11:08 AM EST
Published : Monday, 21 Dec 2009, 6:12 PM EST

Amanda Jarrett
CLINTON, Ind. (WTHI) - Just days before Christmas, a young woman with muscular dystrophy is planning her own funeral, so she won't leave the burden behind for her family.

Sierra Cooper, 21, has battled muscular dystrophy her entire life, then she received another blow: Being diagnosed with cystic fibrosis. Now, Sierra faces a grim outlook and doctors said she has little time left.

"If it was up to me, she'd have another 30 to 40 years and she'd bury me," Sallie Cooper, Sierra's mother, said. "You're not supposed to bury your child."

Sierra may only have weeks left. This Christmas, her wish isn't under the tree this year. She's asking for donations to help pay for her funeral.

"I love my parents and I don't want them to be struggling when I'm gone," Sierra said.

Sierra isn't eligible for life insurance. Every day is a struggle for the 21-year-old, as she's hooked to a pack of oxygen and medicine. That's why her mother wants to give her the only thing she can: A proper funeral.

"She'll never get a wedding, so I want to do something special for her," Sallie said. "She's been planning her own funeral, so of course I want to give her the funeral she wants."

While she's planning for her final days, Sierra said she's found peace.

"I'm going to be with God and I'm going to be pain-free, no oxygen, no pain pump," Sierra said. "I'm going to be normal for once and be able to do the stuff you guys take for granted."

For now, she's living life one day at a time. Sierra prepares for a final Christmas. She's hoping for help as she leaves her family behind.

If you'd like to help the Cooper family, you can make donations to the Sierra Cooper Benefit Fund at any First Financial Bank location . Contact First Financial Bank at 812-238-6000.

First Financial Bank
PO Box 220
Clinton, IN 47842

Monday, December 21, 2009

Back To CHOP

The little guy is back in the hospital. My nephew... bless his little heart has three infections he's fighting and when your body is so busy working with chemo to try to kill the cancer there's not much to fight other issues off with. So, tonight I'll be back at the hospital visiting him... seeing what his parents need.

I had hoped to never have to step foot in CHOP again. Not because it's not amazing but because it is absolutely the most bizarre mix of heaven and hell as anywhere I've ever experienced. Hell because of the sick children... heaven because of the miracles they perform. I have no problem being there for my family but just the thought of going back there again makes my cheeks start to feel heavy in that "I want to cry" way.

He'll be ok... he'll push through this. I won't entertain any thoughts to the contrary but this is when it gets hard. I can not even begin to imagine what his parents and siblings feel. I just wish they didn't have to. I wish no one ever had to. Kids shouldn't be fighting for their lives, they should be playing. It is really just as simple as that.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Loan Relief

Finally. My loan came through. Credit card troubles: prepare to be lessened. Budget-conscious me - prepare to exist. Looks like I should be able to get my shit in better order. Finally. It's so bizarre the way my credit card balance swelled out of control. Some of it was me being stupid, much of it was me paying for my pooch's care when she was sick. But, now... now I will be able to breathe a little easier. Hopefully.

I'll really know once I've gotten the ball fully rolling. I cannot wait to get down to saving money again. For the little things and the big. I haven't been able to do that in years - if ever. For the first time in a long time I'm looking at my schedule and questioning myself about what really matters to me - and what I can start to stop doing.

Excited but calm at the moment. Looking forward to the next step... sending Chase my big payment, once I've got it in my checking. Woo-hoo! Let's see how things start to change, shall we? One step at a time.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Miscellaneous

The scale has budged ever so slightly. One full pound. We'll see if it stays that way though. The next week is going to involve some heavy eating and drinking. More eating than drink, I think but still plenty of calories. Been preparing for a gathering of friends at my place but now they're talking snow. I can't help but wonder what's going to happen but there's not much I can do about the weather.

I'm trying to not get angry with the weather. That seems fruitless and silly.

Put my Blessed Mother in the window though... she's not "magic" but somehow it feels right to do these Catholic tradition type things sometimes. Sometimes, I've found they work.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

QUOTED: Miss Piggy Seeing Green Over Tiger's Infidelity


Alan Greth/ZUMA

"My Kermie is nothing like [Tiger]. I just want to say, he would never do anything untoward moi, but, if he did, you can rest assured there'd be a hole in one, and he'd be the one!"

• Miss Piggy, chiming in on the Tiger Woods scandal during a sit-down with Wendy Williams this week.

-From People.com

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

When The Scale Won't Budge**

-Brian Kim

Today is the future of 5 years ago.
Went by quick didn't it?
5 years ago vs. today.
What has changed?
Remember, true lasting change is gradual.
Don't be in a hurry to change overnight.
Let it happen gradually, with consistency, daily.
5 years later, it will have gone by quick again.
But it will be remarkably better than today.
If you work on changing, gradually, with consistency.
Daily.

**originally untitled

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Cheap Pedometer

I've dropped it a few times. And it's a cheapy so it adds on a step if I move around a little too hard but still... it'll help me be less lazy. Not that I actually consider myself regularly lazy anyway.

I went out after work last night and bought a pedometer. If you're not sure what a pedometer is, it's something you hook to your waist pants to count how many steps you take a day. Mine - is really cheap. As in, bought it at Five Below cheap. I did, in fact, buy it at their highest price tag - but that's still only $5. My goal, in actually, is to make sure I take at least 12,000 steps a day. Somewhere I read that it's about 90 minutes of walking a day. I did a full 94 minutes last night on my mom's treadmill after buying it. It was still several thousand short. Sadly, because I bought a cheap one, I have to add on several thousand more steps a day... just to make up for the occasional drop or quick movement that doesn't include actual walking.

Yup, that'll be me... standing up, walking in place when I'm watching the Sopranos (I recently started from the beginning of season one) just to keep up with my goal. Either way, I'm hoping it helps a little to whittle my middle. I'll keep you posted, y'all. Not that I think you're terribly excited or overly concerned to hear about it. But - I'm excited so I'll be sharing.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Horsewalk

I've been walking like I just got off a horse. Or, like I'm pregnant. (I'm not.) Or, like I dropped the soap. My muscles are sore. All of my legs and glutes. Some of it going up the side and into my back. Not much with my back but every once in a while I feel it. I can't deny that I love this feeling. I'm sore because I've been working out hard. HARD. Strangely, I've gained 5 lbs since Saturday though... peculiar. I'm not that upset about it though - I've got the pain in my lower half to comfort me.

This morning I had to decide what workout to do. 15 minutes of working on the arms and it was easier than I was expecting. That has been happening more and more often. My ab workout on Saturday - same thing. I wouldn't go as far as to actually call that one "easy" but I am more than happy to announce that it wasn't as difficult as I expected or remember it being the last time I did it. Tonight, I will walk. For probably about an hour and a half while my laundry runs through it's cycles.

I may have packed on 5 pounds in two days but I'm ok with that. As long as I keep working, why should it upset me? Sure... I'm still waiting for the scale to go down again (can't wait) but I refuse to beat myself up internally for that which appears to be somewhat out of my control.

Ow. Ow. Ow. Yes! (smile on my face)

Friday, December 11, 2009

Cranky

I'm a little cranky. Ok... very cranky. I'm feeling bored, which means I'm depressed. Knocked myself a little out of whack it seems. Going back to the gym today... hopefully that'll take care of it.

I feel so at a standstill with my life. At the moment. Like I'm going nowhere. I have one week left until I can get my loan squared away. And I've got about a month until school restarts. Seems like I should just relax right now and enjoy the little extra free time that I have... once school starts some of that will be changing.

Ugh... I just hope I feel better and more hopeful tomorrow.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Random Thought #10

"I think everyone has a movie that they love so much; it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it."

-taken from a forward

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Carrot and Radish Salad

It goes like this... I want to lose weight... I have to lose weight (my lower back reminds me from time to time)... and I don't mind putting the work in... unless we're talking super-bland food. Like carrot and radish salad. Come now... really? Ok, it's not exactly that I'm following a diet so much as just eating how I should eat. In a way that saves me on both fat/calories and money. I'm bringing in my lunch each day (or almost every day) and if I don't bring in my lunch, I get a grilled chicken sandwich from Chick-fil-A. My lunch, Monday through Friday is nothing more than a small salad and something extra to go with it. Like today, Spaghetti-O's. Often, when I'm done, I am simply not satisfied. Especially when my salad is reduced to so many carrots and so much radish.

I take my salad out of a bag. I get whatever kind is on sale that week and then I pep it up with a little grated cheese, tomato and add lowfat ranch dressing (measured to fit a serving size according to what's on the bottle). But, today... today I forgot the cheese and there was barely any lettuce left in the bag from which I was taking the salad so I ended up with tons of carrot and tons of the purple stuff. Honestly, I felt like a little kid being forced by mom to eat it. This makes me want to go to the vending machine to get the worst possible choice, almost to punish the raw carrot and raw radish for not being tastier. Sadly, the only one who would actually be punished would be me.

So, it's only one lousy meal, right?

But, isn't this just life? Instead of being willing to wait (though I am proud enough to say that I have so far not buckled today) we want the instant gratification. What's more to the instant gratification is that we want the non-instant gratification results. We want to lose weight without the work... we want the paycheck without actually putting the time in on schooling or just plain effort on the job... we want to be at peace without working out our issues. Isn't this just life?

Yup. And every once in a while you have to deal with a lousy meal in order to get where you want to go.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Boiling Pot

Sometimes you make no progress. Well, at least I make no progress, it seems. At times. All those goals I've set out to accomplish seem to be at a standstill. I haven't lost any weight, my book is just barely touched (ok - I've made a teeny, tiny amount of progress with that one) and a few other miscellaneous areas have not improved. Strange part is... I'm not all that incredibly frustrated at this point. I mean, I'm not thrilled but I'm not beating myself up either. I figure the changes have got to be coming, right? As long as I keep at it. Change has to occur... it's just really, really slow. However, I assume that as time goes by it will stop seeming so slow... it will have gone by in the proverbial blink of an eye.

Almost four years ago I found myself single again. That'll be the case on January 13th. Honestly, I only remember the date because it was a Friday the 13th. I remember at the time thinking that it was an omen because of the date... now I look back and I know it was a blessing. The breakup itself took months and months to complete. A very painful and stressful time for all concerned. Now I look back and while I can remember plenty of it... it's nothing more than a distant memory. And so much has changed, in only four short years. Honestly, the real changes didn't start occurring until two years ago (or thereabouts). I was in a rut for much of the time prior to getting medicated. Then it took a little while to get used to being a little (or lot) more straight-headed.

But, while I sit here thinking that I'm making no progress whatsoever, the more I'm seeing that I probably am... I just can't exactly see it quite yet. Four years is a long time. And I'm over it. It took years to get here but one of my friends had said a few years ago "it'll take about half the time you were with him before you are completely over him". At the time I remember thinking "no, I'm already over him". I wasn't. Not even close in comparison.

Progress sometimes happens when you stop waiting for it to. As they say, "a watched pot never boils".

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Dance class a gift for special students, instructor

By Bob Crowley, CNN

Boston, Massachusetts (CNN) -- It's early on a Saturday morning, and Sarah Markowitz limbers up before her dance class begins.

Sarah stretches on the bar at the school run by the Boston Ballet as her fellow students start to wander in. They are all excited, because today they get to perform for their parents.

"I like dance because I like Gino," Sarah says, referring to Gianni di Marco, the instructor for this class of more than a dozen very special dancers. Gino, as his students call him, has taught various ballet classes for the school but now focuses mostly on this one, Adaptive Dance. It is a class specifically for kids with Down syndrome.

"It's about movement," Di Marco explains. "It's about trying to coordinate the body with the music and have joy."

As a conga drumbeat fills the room, the class begins. Di Marco starts in front of his students.

They are all seated, facing the floor-to-ceiling dance studio mirror.

He leads them through a series of motions timed to the rhythm, gradually working to a standing position. They are all smiles, and Di Marco encourages them with "Oh, yeah!" as they shout with enthusiasm, bodies swaying, feet stomping.

"Dance is something that has no limitations," Di Marco says. He leads them all in a circle, a pied piper with his loyal and happy group. They each take turns, one at a time, in a freestyle dance in the center. High-fives, hugs and fist bumps are common as each of the friends completes his or her routine.

The program started in 2002 and was the idea of Michelina "Mickey" Cassella, a physical therapist from Boston Children's Hospital who also works with dancers from the Boston Ballet Company.

"They've had physical therapy, occupational therapy, speech therapy," Cassella says of the kids in the Adaptive Dance class.

"I wanted them to come into this building," she goes on, "and to be able to participate in a class like other children."

Though not a dance instructor, Cassella is always there to help guide the students if one of them becomes distracted or just needs a little encouragement.

"They're moving to music beautifully," Cassella says. "They're developing moves we didn't even know they could do!" She has seen these kids grow into teenagers during their time here and has been amazed by their progress. "It's just been a beautiful thing to watch."

In the studio, Di Marco has brought the parents in to watch their children perform. Anne Markowitz smiles as she watches her daughter, Sarah, lead the class through spontaneous poses, using the opportunity to ham it up a little.

"I think it's fabulous," Anne Markowitz says of the program, and Sarah loves every minute of it.

Down syndrome is nothing new to Markowitz, nor are the many capabilities of her daughter and the rest of the students. "It doesn't matter what your special needs are," she says. "You can do; you can dance; you can express yourself."

Di Marco explains that his students were sometimes hesitant to join in when he first started teaching them. But now he thinks dance has given them all a confidence that goes beyond the dance studio.

"It's not just to learn how to dance," he says, "but also to learn how to be who you are, and I think they're developing that very well, here, in this environment."

The reward goes both ways, however. Di Marco says that seven years ago he was nervous when the classes began. But now, he says, "Here I am having the time of my life teaching these children."

This is the last class of the session, and the students won't be back until March. Di Marco invites the parents to join their children in a dance. They form a circle again, but this time each student shares a dance with their family members instead of solo. The excitement culminates in one large group hug in the center. They are all exhausted and all smiling.

Di Marco, his arms outstretched as if to embrace every one of them, says, "This is life. I love you guys. Thank you for bringing your children to play with me!"

Friday, December 4, 2009

The Discipline of London

Jack London died at the age of 40. Prior to his death, caused by a mix of sleeping pills and booze, he wrote. ALOT. ALOT ALOT. His death as a suicide is an unknown... I'd be willing to bet it wasn't on purpose. Even if he did not think his writing was ever going to be truly understood.

He worked with a 1,000 words per day minimum. A strictness that I believe most writers must put into their lives, their work. Though their own standards may be different than one thousand words. He was a success... gained and lost money, yes... but he was a true success in the literary world. He died young but left a body of work to be admired and studied.

Way cool, my friends... way cool. What can I learn from him? What can we learn from him? When you have a passion, stick with it. Structure yourself. Get yourself organized so that you can focus on your passion instead of running around all scatter-brained. The type of organization doesn't matter so much, just as long as you're organized for you. London used to keep his notes on a clothesline that ran across his bedroom so that they sat in front of his face while he did his writing in bed.

Then he'd have two scotches in the early afternoon and go right back to writing. Not that I'm saying we should all drink for lunch (I mean, look his cause of death and his age...) but I am saying that routine and discipline are probably necessities, if you're going to try to get your lifework done in your lifetime.

I'm getting my daily routine pretty nailed down though it's not all the way there yet. Have been working on my second draft at night though, just a little bit at a time. And, surprisingly, I'm doing this draft by hand... I'll go back to the PC for the third draft. I can't help but wonder if this will be how I end up writing all of my work. PC for step one, handwritten for step two and back to PC for step 3.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Peace Quote #6

"Who are all those people you have brought with you?"
The disciple whirled around to look.
Nobody there. Panic!
Lao said: "Don't you understand?"
- The Way of Chuang Tzu

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Selling The Party

Yesterday my boss told me that I don't sell myself enough. She was talking work, I am certainly thinking not work. I began to turn the phrase over and over in my mind. "Sell yourself". And right now, as I type away, I begin to think about a book I once read... one of my many, many... many self-help books... "the party that is you"... another term that seems to be bouncing off the "sell yourself" idea. I'm feeling really cheesy right about now but I'm going to keep going...

I'm thinking, how does one sell "the party that is you"... or me... or however you want to read this. My biff asked me just a short while ago to write something about myself. When I did it really quick without thinking too much... I really liked what I looked like on paper. Or, on screen, I suppose. These were the points I'd like to sell, if selling myself is at all possible without being illegal or disgusting.

I've got some thinking to do... I mean, it's easy to sell the clothing you wear, the hair that you style or the way that you smell. These are just the dressings on the package. It's what's inside that counts (though, as a girl, the other stuff is fun too), right? How do you sell that stuff without bragging or being annoying about it? Hmm...