Ready And Willing

Biking rocks. And yoga rocks. And physical activity just simply rocks. I don't know how or why I forget it and stop doing it. But, I'm back. And I seem to also forget how good it's going to make me feel once I buckle down and do it. Then it becomes addictive. And then I want to eat better. That's right, people, I ordered a salad for lunch today. A salad. And I've been full ever since. Something that never happens with hoagies or junk. Usually I get hungry again within an hour. Then I snack on other stuff. Less filling stuff.

I have purposely cut my calender down. And I'm not working on making too many plans in the future. I just want plenty of me time, spontaneous time, and I want to save money. Save money so I can start doing the things I really want to do. The things that will make me feel good. That do make me feel good. Oh yeah - I'm ready.

The Red

They say freak
When you're singled out
The red, well it filters through.
- The Red, Chevelle

My therapist and my spiritual director both hit the same sweet emotional spot. One called it my inner child, the other called it childhood. Both hit it right on the head. I've been thinking lately, well... more than just lately, though clearer lately, about how it used to feel as a kid. Before the drama, before the heartbreak... when one is so sure of themselves they thinking nothing of what they say. And most of the time, before being infected with negativity, words are sweet and honest. Doubting oneself comes a short time later. And with that doubt, other flaws. Sure, as a kid you could be kind of selfish but mostly it was just about taking care of your needs. And many times your needs simply consisted of being happy, which makes other people happy.

My new goal is to get back there. Ok, I'm back to therapy every other week. Actually, pending a call back from the therapist, for the next two weeks it might be weekly. I am sick of beating myself up, of being too hard on myself, and of not being honest enough with myself to admit that others are adults too and treating me badly isn't always exactly simply excusable. Somewhere along the way I got the idea that I should just be hard on me and merciful to everyone else. But, I went beyond merciful and it became doormat.

And that doormat is just about worn through. It's time for me to face the stuff I've kept my mouth shut about and let out that wellspring of hurt and anger out. For goodness sake, I have not been able to say "no" when necessary and I'll drink my stomach lining raw before realizing I have to do something. Because it's actually making me less of the person I want to be. It's making me an emotional imbecile who can't figure out her anger from her happiness. They're starting to blur together into a collage of walled up, pent up rage. The red could take over, if I let it. And I could simply stay hauled up behind this wall for good.

But I refuse to be bitter. So... I'll work it through.

Fish Tank

What is going on with me? I'm in crazy mode again. Can't seem to make my way back to better. For right now, at least. Shit is running through my head in no specific order... though at least I just paid all my bills for the week, was able to keep it together long enough for that.

The Captain came over last night, after I spent some nice time with the family. And together we drank some rum. Private stock, not so private mind wanderings and maybe some hand and mouth wanderings too. Nothing too bad, which is a surprise for me. I could have gone completely wild last night, with the way I was feeling. He was the one who was being good.
Though I know it was tough for both of us. I'm glad he was smart enough to stop something though part of me is sort of thinking it would have been fun to not stop something. Either way, last night was fun but that means both of our mornings went to waste.

We ran out for a bite to eat before I had to be in work. He was good enough to pay for me. Didn't need to but he wanted to. And on our way there, we passed by all the people living their lives in the sun. Both of us wondered why we weren't out doing that stuff. The Captain said he felt like we were in a fish tank, looking out at the world. I acknowledged that he was right. Both of us felt a little off... him more than me, by way of hangovers, I mean. So... something's got to change. I want to feel good like those people. Which doesn't mean I'll never drink again but I will not be pushing my limits quite so much in the next few weeks. I'm going to put the bottle down and get my brain back.

So that I don't have to be the one looking out from the fish tank, I can be the one looking in. Just like my niece and her new fish... named them after her friends and kept on going. No regrets, no second thoughts. Just name them and go back out to enjoy the warm spring air.

Careless Whispers

Ok... being friends first doesn't mean anything. It either works or it doesn't... and the blue eyed cutie and I simply didn't work. We gave it a shot and the bullet never did quite hit the target. And on my end, I wanted to end it before we started hating each other. I didn't work myself up or start searching for reasons for which I should be angry or annoyed. I just accepted that we simply don't get each other in the way necessary to make it develop beyond just hanging out and holding hands. Yes, the chemistry was intense in the beginning but that started to fade a week or two or three ago. And with that fading, I began to fade also.

My drinking increases, my self care decreases, my laughter starts dropping off, and my weight increases. I become angry and irritated and on the defensive. Misdirecting negative emotions is one of my biggest problems, it seems.

Everything happens for a reason. And I've got the reasons tucked away in my brain. However, one of the reasons is ultimately leading to the end of a year long friendship. Complaining about me... to my other friends and making snide remarks about me, to me, "jokes" that aren't jokes at all but ways to dig. So... at least I learned who someone is underneath the nice guy I thought I knew. And I am NOT talking about the blue eyed cutie here. Nope. But, being with him brought out true colors all over the place, I will say that. I've had several major incidents with some of my friends in the last six weeks. Some are repairable and some I just don't want to put back together, I'd rather just walk away. If you're going to be bitter... and jealous... and anal... fine, your choice. But, don't come bringing it my way.

As for everything else I'm feeling right now... which is plenty... not all in one place but many...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zALiyJ02k_Y&feature=related

Margin

Margin. Perfect word. My daily devotional today talked about margin. As in, being less busy. It talked about how we run from thing to thing to thing and never take any real downtime. After this week, I'm purposely giving myself more of that. I have something planned every night this week. And I'm not complaining. My life is busy and I have lots of friends and family and that makes me happy.

But... I am tired. Very tired.

Not having the time to exercise isn't helping either. Because exercise would help give me more energy. Lots more energy. But... that's just not the way it is right now. Yesterday, for instance, I left work a couple minutes later than usual. Then I drove home. Then I took laundry to my parents' house. Then I ran home to shower and pack up a couple things. Then I ran back to mom's to hang my laundry. Then I jumped in the car and picked up the Texan. Also, he brought me the computer I'm supposed to start using. And a desk. They're in my car right now. Haven't had a chance to take them home yet. Then I drove to Philly. Then we jumped in blue eyed cutie's car. Then we went to dinner. Dinner was good and I was relaxed. But, I am kind of wondering. Was I relaxed?

Or just plain tired? This is my usual pace lately, people.

Rosebud

My problem isn't major. Though last night I found myself laying in blue eyed cutie's bed, talking away about how miserable I feel. I went on and on about a current situation but after answering the usual, simple question... "how was your weekend?" from Spice, I'm realizing my whole weekend was kind of rough and disappointing and then you throw a rainy Monday night forced retirement party into the mix, I'm bound to feel shit-tay.

I've been in a haze for the last two days. Unable to smile much, ready to burst out in tears at any given moment... and we won't even mention the hangover because it's simply not useful. My biff and Grammy. I love them both and understand them both. And while I agree with one, I don't agree with the other. I also see a middle ground that's getting ignored but I'm vowing never to bring it up again. Mostly because I got beat red and angry in a way that I despise. I stopped listening to reason and stopped loving the way I want to. And the way I need to.

But, really... the problem wasn't just that fight, it was the drama that lived on... all weekend long. From Friday night to Saturday night, blue eyed cutie and I were not communicating the way we needed to. Me, I wasn't going to let my pride down and ask what the problem was. Yes, I knew what the problem was but I wasn't going to confirm it and I was ready to fight if that's what he wanted. And he just needed some time to process the situation we found ourselves in.

On Friday night, my car broke down. Then my mom's car, which I was supposed to borrow was having trouble. On Friday night, because my car broke down biff and I ended up running into a friend we had just about written off and talked the drama through. Which turned out not to be drama at all but rather depression. And Sunday night the big boom happened and by then, I'm feeling unsure of myself, unsure of how I feel about anyone anymore, and kind of numb in a painful way. Kind of self hating for simply not keeping my cool.

Then I get an email from sister in friend. Honestly, she is probably the sweetest person who's ever sent me an email. After all the spewing of curses and anger and grief on Sunday night she was concerned that her language may have been a bit rough. She attempted to be a peacemaker during the argument, she was not on anyone's side specifically. And the fact of the matter is, I hadn't even noticed her cursing. She tries to keep it down to a minimum due to the having kids factor at this point. Makes sense. But what I loved about it was simple. It was like a rose in the middle of a muddy road. My muddy path, if you will. Gentleness, kindness, and simplicity. Getting back to basics. While some of who were fighting are struggling to admit all of the factors involved or just simply don't even realize some of the factors involved or think they have a handle on something but finds themselves frustrated because we can't instantly change the world or even one person's feelings, here comes a sweetheart with an apology for something that wasn't even noticed. But something she felt she needed to offer up. Something she's not proud of. If only everything were as black and white as that.

But, in some ways, it all really is.

Lost in the Game

Oops... I did it again.

I started a problem with my mouth. Or, at least, spoke what I was thinking, without sensor. Again. And it turned into a problem. I blindsided two of my closest friends, Biff and Grammy, and I'm hoping they don't stay angry with me. One is still upset with me, the other, I don't think so. I should have handled it better. Simple as that. But, I had some wine in me and it just popped out. Sad part is I can't recall EXACTLY what it was that popped out but apparently it wasn't my place to take the elephant in the room for a walk. And that part is true, it wasn't my place but sometimes when it comes out messy it makes for mandatory talking. And sometimes I don't think I should necessarily keep what's in my heart to myself. Not to the people I hold nearest and dearest. The two friends will never see eye to eye. And they've agreed to disagree.

Some days it amazes me... how far from perfect I am. And I know everyone is but sometimes it just bothers me when I realize that even with everything I know and think I understand... there is still way more that I don't know.

What I Stand For

Yesterday the blue eyed cutie and myself had ourselves a long ongoing debate. And I'm not sure it's over at this point but it's got me thinking about what I really, really stand for in life. What's important to me... what I won't budge on.

Tolerance, acceptance, understanding, and diversity. All in all, what I stand for is love.

To appreciate the whole landscape, one must appreciate each person as an individual, in my mind. For their virtues and their flaws. Sometimes the perceived flaws are so big you just can't get past it because it simply contradicts your own sense of self. In my experience, I've found that the more solid I become in my own sense of self, the less other people's points of view bothers me. I'll talk about it, I'll give my opinion but it doesn't make me want to strike out in anger or belittle them just because they're being themselves. People who mistreat other people are generally not ok with me. Some people are just assholes and some people are unkind. Some people will surprise you and others will disappoint you. I enjoy depth and I enjoy the fact that each individual is made up of a million small parts and experiences that make them who they are. Some people think deeply, some are shallow. Some people know to say thank you and some people don't know when thanks are in order. I have trouble with the rude, fake, hiding something people in the world and I definitely have a problem with people who are so intolerant of other people's individual rights to their own beliefs, values, and lifestyles. These are the people who want theirs respected but don't respect other people's. Some people don't have a personal identity through no fault of their own but rather because of conditioning. Some people don't have a personal sense of identity because they're scared to find out who they are and what they think, what they believe and who is underneath their skin. But, all of these people are deserving of respect, dignity, and love. It is very simple. It's the golden rule. Treat others as you wish to be treated. This should start a chain of love. And if it doesn't, at least I tried. I'm finding that in many ways, it's very lucrative... people like to be loved and they like to love back once the door is opened to them. They don't want to have to defend themselves all the time and they're usually very welcoming of good conversation when it's offered, once they no longer feel threatened. Being vulnerable is hard. Admitting you're wrong is not easy. Knowing that you've got a battle with people doesn't make you want to be around them, it just makes you want to go in the opposite direction.

My biggest goal in life is simple. To love. To love (not necessarily like) all the individuals who cross my path. This doesn't mean I will always bend over backwards for people and I am always prepared to defend the ones I love, the many diverse, amazing, beautiful creatures who are standing somewhere on my path. I don't agree with everything they do and I certainly don't understand it either. And some of my jokes, stated quietly amongst certain folks whom I trust, may not always be nice but I vow to keep respecting and helping those people who are presented to me. Unless, of course, I find that they're mistreating me or behaving in a way that's intolerant of my stance in life. This one, to be exact.

The Changeling Fairy

The sun's back and it's warm out. My mood's improved. Much improved. Life's got me loving it again. I'm ready... willing... and hopeful about the future. Damn, I hate all the complications involved in avoiding depressive mood swings.

Anyway...

The good news is I most likely have a PC headed my way. Which means I can get busy with my writing. I've got an essay idea now too. It's coming together slowly but surely.

Whew.

And before you say, what's the bad news... there really isn't any at this precise moment. Which I'm thankful for, at the moment.

Last night was a deep thinking night. Brought on by all sorts of miserableness and the like. But, added to by the movie The Changeling. Good flick, a bit hard to take. Just because it's so super heavy but it makes you think, which I always enjoy. First it's got you wondering if she is crazy then you know she's not, then you think about the hidden and dark places, the history and most likely current corruption that exists and you wonder... how could they? How can people just allow themselves to run rampant? Some people are insane. Some are just bad, self centered, even, possibly, evil without being overt about it. Then some folks are evil, very overtly... disgustingly. Vultures waiting to devour people when they're weak. And, of course, most are just human... prone to weakness and fear.

Make yourself look good... for goodness sake so that you can keep doing what you're doing. We've all covered up a thing or two. Skeletons in the closet, as it's known. But, it's how you feel or behave when confronted with them. And better yet... can you confront yourself or are you just going to wait it out and let it fester beneath the surface?

Are you going to change to who you're meant to be or who you are? Are you going to confront the truth at any point? Have I? Often though certainly not all the time. Once upon a time you were an innocent child... now you're a confused and complicated adult. Think you could change back or has life taken that child away for good, replacing it with someone you don't even know?

70%

So, I've been struggling lately. And luckily the blue eyed cutie is either good at listening or good at ignoring me. Either way, I've been biting his ear off with my frustrations. (And the truth is, he's not ignoring me... because he says stuff back.)

I love people. I care about people. I definitely don't want people to hurt. And I certainly don't want to hurt them. However, lately... I've been frustrated with people. A few people. Things are changing for me or have changed for me and in some strange way my eyes have been opened. A few folks have disappointed me and other folks I'd like to be able to develop stronger friendships with. Part of the problem is lack of time. Actually, that IS the problem.

I run the Meetup and I'm not enjoying it anymore. I enjoy the concept of it, I enjoy the meeting people, I enjoy when friends come out and hang. I do like it... but I'm slightly tired of it. Has it run it's course? Is that the problem?
No... not so much... but maybe. I know I'm keeping it up for the next six months and I know how I like to run it so I'm not prepared to give up control of it. But, I don't enjoy several of the people's company... and when I say don't enjoy, I mean I would rather they just simply not come out. But... they will. That's just the way it is. That's the way it's been since the beginning. And I accept that. However, our time here is limited. Especially mine, when I've got second shift to deal with too terribly often.

So... I'm frustrated. I have to find a job that allows me more freedom to move at my own pace, in my own way. I have to figure out how to handle just not allowing my own generalized dislike for a few folks to get to me too much because I feel horribly guilty for not liking them. And this leaks into some of my other relationships because I'm really, really good at misdirecting my anger. The only other problem I have... it's simple. What about when you start seeing things clearly, you start seeing through people you do care about? You start suspecting that something's not on the up and up after all. And suddenly there's mistrust. Can one ever come back from that? Or can you learn to love and like them while not being able to pierce through and figure out what's missing or what's exactly wrong. Their lack of being "fully present" in some way. Do you just walk away from these folks? Do you talk to them about it? Or do you just let life drift in the way it normally does?

Ugh... I need to just not care. That's all.

The Voice

There was a voice in Philly - silenced - yesterday.

And in his silence, there's left a space in my mind as well as a great multitude of others that is running through memories. Latest one, of course, most intense is the winning of the World Series last year. Biff and I watched all but one game together and I still remember her saying "we have to turn on Harry Kalas". We had to. And we did. We listened to him announce the last pitch of that magical last game and melted into the sound of the words "world champions of baseball". It wouldn't have been the same without him in her home.

Through my childhood, I went to many, many games. Heard even more in the walls of our several area homes and as far as I knew... he was the voice of baseball. The one and only voice. I didn't know baseball existed without it. I don't even know, as a child, if I realized he was real. But, I do remember it. Loud and clear. So many memories, so much excitement. Even in the stands of the vet, people would have on the radio so they could hear him call it. I always enjoyed that bit myself. Even if I couldn't always follow it exactly, perfectly, well.

There is a general sadness in the air. And the rain fits the situation. Not only was he a great guy in the booth but the news made it very clear yesterday. He was a very down to earth, normal person who treated people exceptionally well. Everyone keeps saying how much he cared and how he treated them with dignity. People calling into the radio, other broadcasters, and Gary Papa was crying on the air during the news. To love sports is something special on it's own. To love sports in Philly is fanatical. And Harry's enthusiasm hugged us all very close, let us know it'll be alright... one way or another.

So, like any loss, we can shed our tears and be cranky and let it out one way or another. Biff said she feels like she lost a family member. She was the one who broke it to me. I guess that's why she thought I was calling. And maybe, in a way, she was right. I didn't have anything to specifically say to her when I did call but then she broke the news to me.

Harry, you will be missed. And a part of my childhood as well as scores of others will also be missed. Thank you for your service and thank you for your love of the game. And, apparently, of people in general. Which is what the game is really about after all... the players, the fans, the spirit. You got that and shared it with everyone. Thank you.

Scarred

I have only one thing to say to you. Just one quick thing. Only one thing has changed or occurred to me since last night.

Scarface is a terrible, terrible movie. PLEASE do not waste almost three hours of your life on this. PLEASE. I beg of you.

Have a great Easter!!!

She Drinks Alone

Last day of second shift. And I'm thankful for it. I don't feel like doing any work, I definitely don't. I did a little and I'll do just a little more before I go home for the night. Just to wake up and come back in first thing in the morning. But, then I'll be out for a full day and a half. Yup... a whole day and a half. It's not much but it's something. And, realistically, I should be thankful for the job. The 600,000 people who lost their jobs in February would probably love to have the complaint that I have. So, I'll try my best not to sound ungrateful.

The blue eyed cutie, the biff, the sister in friend, Little Mama, my beloved and co-Britney fan. I feel like I'm nearly estranged from all of them. I was lucky enough last night to be able to meet up with a good friend of mine for drinks after work. We didn't do anything special but for once, my night work schedule matched up with someone else's nicely. Well, I probably shouldn't say "for once" but I haven't seen him since Christmas. And, as usual, we talked about how we don't get to hang out enough. Mostly because of his overnight work schedule... he said he barely gets to see anyone. So, we hit a couple bars and then went our separate ways. Meanwhile, we ran into his friend's sister. She's twenty six with a son at home. Yet, she was out late drinking, by herself when we found her on a Thursday night. Pretty girl, too.

I asked him if she has issues. He said yes. She was pretty toasty... and drinking alone... and then at the second bar, she was no longer alone but she asked me why she can't be friends with the guys there. She had already gotten with one before. Now he was trying to pass her off to his friend, probably knowing she was easy. And why not spread the love? Made me sad, to be honest. She's lonely... it's clear. And not too happy. And there's nothing I can do to help her. When I met the one guy she said she had gotten with before... I didn't exactly give him a pleasant look. I know we're not supposed to judge a book by it's cover. But, this kid was a punk. And he knew that I knew it. The looks we exchanged while being introduced made it clear that we were reading each other just right.

I don't know her but I felt protective. Probably because I've been used and stupid and used before. And when you're in the middle of it, all you can do is roll with it because it seems like there's no way out. What if nothing else ever comes along? What if life doesn't improve? So, it's easier to just stay stuck... sometimes.

Eventually, hopefully, she'll move on from the lifestyle she's living. She's only 26, she's got time. And if not, at least I did what I could. I told her not to be friends with them. Friendly but not friends. They don't have her best interests at heart. But, then again, if she doesn't know what her best interests are... how could they?

Carrie's Loss, My Gain

What may have been a faux pax for Berger is going to be a help to me. Granted, I'm not breaking up with anyone via Post-It but I am starting to use Post-Its to get my thoughts out.

When I read, I get momentary glimpses into hidden parts of my mind. And when I drive, I imagine little scenes playing out to some of the music that comes on the radio. Strange quips and odd musings, some of it. Very little normal stuff otherwise. And now that my life is turning towards writing for real, I need to keep track of some of these thoughts.

I've got a screenplay I started. I've got a book I've started. I've got a short story I've started. I've got poems to edit. And now I'm getting tons of ideas. Granted, I need to finish something up first... which I will... and I need to get a computer at home so I can type... which I will, in fact, I'm working on. But, the Post-Its are a new addition to my craziness. And so far I like what's posted up on my wall. I reread over them today, what I wrote last night and nothing was taken down. The little snippets of thought are all a little something special.

Let's see where this goes...

No Brakes

It went like this...

I was driving, right near my apartment and suddenly when I went to hit the brakes down the street... there were no brakes. Actually, more accurately, there may have been brakes but there was no brake pedal in my car. Someone was pissed and someone removed it. I didn't know who but I had a feeling of whom it might be. Somehow or another, I rolled the car to safety and went to grab my bike. I started pedalling down the street, around the corner and then I noticed, my brakes were again gone. How would I stop? I once again rolled to safety, ending up near my car. I guess I'd have to walk to the police station to report this situation. Clearly, someone was trying to kill me. Or at least injure me pretty greatly.

Biff asked me what it meant.

I told her it's probably telling me I'm going with something that can't be stopped.

I love my vivid dreams.

To Do List

So, what do I have to do?

I've got to get back to working out... I've got to look forward to the future... I've got to get back to reading more often... I've got to keep loving the people in my life... I've got to get more serious about my writing.

This is what's asked of me. Nothing more, nothing less. Right now at least.

That Little Piece of Sausage

Blue eyed cutie asked me a good question yesterday. And I've been thinking about how to explain myself and the answer to the question ever since.

I'm a Catholic. Which means, during lent, it's no meat on Fridays. At least for me. And the question asked of me: Why even bother? It's a good question and it's got my mind stirring a bit. But, here's how I break it down, to the simplest common denominator.

I do it because I want to. I do it because I love my faith in God. I haven't been good about going to mass for a while now, mostly because the priest at my church is from Africa... and honestly, I can't understand a word he says during his homilies. It's not that I think the homilies are even the reason to go to church but if I can't understand what you're saying because your accent is so thick, I can't fully participate and I lose interest. I just end up feeling like I'm putting in my time, getting the receipt at the end (the bulletin), and walking out of the building feeling no more enriched than I had when I walked in.

The other reason, I simply don't make time for it anymore. Which may not be ok but it's the truth. Partially because I work all these crazy hours and partially because I love to sleep when I get the chance. There's no way I'm going to be a good person or Christian if I'm cranky. Trust me on this. It's not a pretty sight.

So, why would I bother to hold onto this one tradition?

Because it reminds me of that part of myself. The spiritual side that I simply don't attend to as often as I'd like. I'm not concerned about going to hell for eating that little nibble of sausage that just happened to be on my side of the pizza yesterday. And I don't feel that I am being forced into the practice. Lord knows I spent years not giving a crap about it. I've made the conscience choice to do this. I have free will to do as I please and the common sense to realize that my life is not going to be based on something as silly as not chowing down on a burger on a few particular days.

Still, I'm happy to do it. Perfectly happy to demonstrate (mostly to myself) my love for God in some simple and yet active way. For those people that we love here on Earth, we show them we love them in all sorts of ways and it's usually a nice feeling to love someone. (Or at least it should be.) And when they know they're loved by you, it's just all the better. Not that God doesn't know already, me not eating meat is not "proving" anything. It's just showing something. Just like a real kiss on the cheek. Simple as that.

The Iris of His Eyes

I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some.
-Jason Mraz, I'm Yours

And then the inspiration struck. The initial feeling that led to inspiration came hours earlier while I watched a movie about a man who couldn't read. Low and behold by the time Hanoi Jane got done with him though, he could and not only that - but they had found love. Truthfully, the movie was mediocre but something about the way Robert DeNiro looked in one of the scenes struck my belly. A big flip of the ever elusive butterfly and I realized I was missing my blue eyed cutie.

So, I drove home and let the feeling sink in. I really like him. I'm happy to spend time with him and part of my crankiness as of late may have something to do with the fact that I'd like to see him more often than I do. And even though I'm terrified of feeling alot for a guy again, I am going to have to let myself. I may be in for learning again but I may also be in for winning again. Time will tell.

This Too Shall Pass

Yup... still cranking out the crankiness. Though today one would think I have no excuse. I went for a massage and a facial this morning. I have no good, solid reason why I'm in this mood. None. The good news is I'm not pitying myself one iota. No miserable "whoa is mes". I'm just not laughing all that easily.

Maybe these blue lights really are making it more depressing in my office. Maybe the cold and rain have finally found their way under my skin. It would just be nice for it to be nice enough that I could ride my bike again. That'd be kickass.

Really, I don't think I'm asking for much here. It's now April, after all. Ok... just one day into April but still April nonetheless. I'm ready for real spring. And I know I'm not the only one. Several of my friends have been commenting lately too.

Oh my gosh... I best get inspired soon or no one's going to keep reading my blog.