Careless Whispers

Ok... being friends first doesn't mean anything. It either works or it doesn't... and the blue eyed cutie and I simply didn't work. We gave it a shot and the bullet never did quite hit the target. And on my end, I wanted to end it before we started hating each other. I didn't work myself up or start searching for reasons for which I should be angry or annoyed. I just accepted that we simply don't get each other in the way necessary to make it develop beyond just hanging out and holding hands. Yes, the chemistry was intense in the beginning but that started to fade a week or two or three ago. And with that fading, I began to fade also.

My drinking increases, my self care decreases, my laughter starts dropping off, and my weight increases. I become angry and irritated and on the defensive. Misdirecting negative emotions is one of my biggest problems, it seems.

Everything happens for a reason. And I've got the reasons tucked away in my brain. However, one of the reasons is ultimately leading to the end of a year long friendship. Complaining about me... to my other friends and making snide remarks about me, to me, "jokes" that aren't jokes at all but ways to dig. So... at least I learned who someone is underneath the nice guy I thought I knew. And I am NOT talking about the blue eyed cutie here. Nope. But, being with him brought out true colors all over the place, I will say that. I've had several major incidents with some of my friends in the last six weeks. Some are repairable and some I just don't want to put back together, I'd rather just walk away. If you're going to be bitter... and jealous... and anal... fine, your choice. But, don't come bringing it my way.

As for everything else I'm feeling right now... which is plenty... not all in one place but many...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zALiyJ02k_Y&feature=related