Fish Tank

What is going on with me? I'm in crazy mode again. Can't seem to make my way back to better. For right now, at least. Shit is running through my head in no specific order... though at least I just paid all my bills for the week, was able to keep it together long enough for that.

The Captain came over last night, after I spent some nice time with the family. And together we drank some rum. Private stock, not so private mind wanderings and maybe some hand and mouth wanderings too. Nothing too bad, which is a surprise for me. I could have gone completely wild last night, with the way I was feeling. He was the one who was being good.
Though I know it was tough for both of us. I'm glad he was smart enough to stop something though part of me is sort of thinking it would have been fun to not stop something. Either way, last night was fun but that means both of our mornings went to waste.

We ran out for a bite to eat before I had to be in work. He was good enough to pay for me. Didn't need to but he wanted to. And on our way there, we passed by all the people living their lives in the sun. Both of us wondered why we weren't out doing that stuff. The Captain said he felt like we were in a fish tank, looking out at the world. I acknowledged that he was right. Both of us felt a little off... him more than me, by way of hangovers, I mean. So... something's got to change. I want to feel good like those people. Which doesn't mean I'll never drink again but I will not be pushing my limits quite so much in the next few weeks. I'm going to put the bottle down and get my brain back.

So that I don't have to be the one looking out from the fish tank, I can be the one looking in. Just like my niece and her new fish... named them after her friends and kept on going. No regrets, no second thoughts. Just name them and go back out to enjoy the warm spring air.