Leeway

I'm having one of those beat myself up days. I feel guilty for everything I said about someone last night, even if it was the truth. So why do I feel guilty? Because I was at one point told my feelings about a subject were wrong. That I wasn't thinking correctly about the subject at hand. And while I do find myself being a little crazy sometimes, a little obsessive, sometimes history seems to repeat itself. And similar problems keep cropping up, keep finding you (or me) until you confront them head-on.

I can't stand up for myself efficiently and I'm constantly unsure that I'm taking things the way I should. Because I know no one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes, I always give too much leeway in the way I am treated. I know everyone's wounded to some degree, all in different ways so it comes out in different ways so I never make anyone take real responsibility for their actions.

Yet - I am rather hard on myself when I mess up. I should have been more responsible last night, I shouldn't have used my credit card. I shouldn't have said something that I said. I should just be perfect and never make a mistake. I would like to just shake this stuff off and start again today, in the right now.

Dammit.

Tomorrow will be better.