A Visit To The ER

The other night was awful. I felt like my stomach was going to rupture. I have felt pain before in my life. I think the worst pain I had felt before Tuesday night was when I had a kidney infection mixed with a pin worm infestation. That was horrible but Tuesday was above and beyond.

My friend and I went to dinner, I kept my meal bland. Still, my stomach said "I am not having this". At first, the already there pains just started to get a little worse and a little worse. Before I knew it I was in my friend's passanger side seat writhing in pain. Moaning and yelling and squirming. Then the spasms started. Mostly in my back. Between the two sensations I had began thinking I was going to die. I prayed and she got me to the hospital. I thought something (my stomach) was going to burst. I geniunely believed this was about to happen.

I couldn't walk in, they had to get a wheelchair to get me into triage. The pain slowed down a smidge as the girls in triage were asking me questions. The one that stood out was "do you feel safe at home?" Yes! Oh... and... "on a scale from one to ten - how would you describe this pain?". I don't know. Compared to what? A papercut? At that moment it was an 8, earlier having been a 10. But do I really think it's the worst pain anyone's ever felt? Probably not.

I loved the nurse I had. She was great. She eased my pain. The doctor's bedside manner left something to be desired. They gave me pain medication through an IV and I felt better. They did bloodtests, a pee test, x-rays, and a CAT scan. All of which amounted to nothing more than what my doctor had told me was wrong. Gastritis. An inflammation of the stomach lining.

I found myself in awe of yet another friend. She sat next to me the entire time. And my dad was there even though he had to leave for a business trip at 6AM. We didn't get home until around 4:30 in the morning. I felt so terrible about putting my dad out I cried when I found out there was nothing else wrong with me. I should have just gone home. But, then again - the pain wouldn't have died down on it's own. I needed to do something.

I am happy to have survived though my life wasn't actually in danger. I thought for a bit it was - and wow was that scary. Over the last few days I've had alot of thoughts about how much I do actually want to live. Which is a very different feeling than my generalized thoughts of "just can't wait until this is over". Sorry - things just haven't been happy for a long time. However, I do feel ending up in the ER, thinking there's a chance I might not make it or that something is seriously wrong, may have been the darkest before the dawn.