5 Days

Five days so far without a drink. I never thought I'd hear myself say that like that. But, I'm happy about it. I feel so much better and so much more capable of life. I don't have the underlying depression that was accompanying me everywhere. I'm keeping things a bit more straight. My stomach is pretty much feeling all better (though there's still a little mending to be done by the meds) and I'm excited to start my new life.

All sorts of doors seem to be closing lately. And I'm ok with that. I may not be ok with it every second but several of them need to. Out with the old, in with the new. Today I will be conquering an incident from last summer with my therapist. She asked me to write down everything about that night that I remember. Most of the night is clear in my mind except for the fact that it's not clear. I have lots of memories, full of a bunch of anger and even some mild hatred. Time to get that worked out of my system and the drinking wasn't helping. In fact, the drinking exploded not too long after that. Though it had already been a smaller problem before that. It's easiest to forget about it when your mind can't concentrate on anything.

So... I wrote what she asked me for. I haven't told the whole story but just kept to that night and what it brought up inside of me. Eventually I will tell the whole story and I will start writing about everything again. I will hone my skills and get myself back together. Without the booze, it'll be alot easier. I can already feel that.

For the first time in a long time, I feel like life is not so bad. Even when it's not super good, it's also not so bad.