Where Am I Going?

And now... I realize all of my blogs lately have been self exploratory. And now... I also realize that today probably will be too.

Wrote a list last night. A kind of checklist for my life. My therapist pointed out yesterday that I have to learn to enjoy the process, not just look forward to what's coming up in the future. She's right. I know with all my heart she's right. Sometimes I get stuck in my cocoon and stop walking the path. Reading about the cocoon in the book my spiritual director recommended. "When the Heart Waits". Next... "The Power of Now". Back to my self help books. Sometimes I walk away from them but now I've got a pile of them to work through. Whew!

This cocoon process... I picture myself inside of it. I picture the Road Not Taken (Robert Frost) as my path. However, right now I'm hanging off a branch that hangs over the path. Blocking my own way. But... what if a strong wind (life) comes along and I disconnect from the branch but stay in the cocoon. Maybe I won't be walking the path anymore but I'll be rolling down it, the wind pushing me along. And where I'm really headed I can't full see. Though I can dream about it and keep hope about it alive.

When will I emerge and where will I be?

Will I be riding a snowmobile with a stranger? Like in my dream last night? Or will I be in my own place, smelling the sweet fragrance of success and, yet, always up for growing? Will I be in another town or visiting those other countries... you know the ones outside of this one? Will I have kids and pray that I'm doing an adequate job? Or better than adequate? Will I be married? Will I really be lecturing students on religion? Will I be doing all these things? I hope so. Except I'd kind of like to know who the guy behind the helmet is on the snowmobile. And while I wouldn't mind riding it in someone's backyard, through the mountains might be more fun. Maybe in Alaska, even.