Thanks For My Mom

Mom comes home from the hospital today. Very good, very, very good. Seems her heart disease has made it's way into her brain. Which means stroke - if it had not been caught. Thank God is all I have to say about it. Stinks that she's going to be on more medication but it's wonderful that it was caught before the stroke.

So... I practiced gratitude last night. I'm still working on remembering to do that each and every night before going to sleep. I am thankful for my mom. Before I went to bed, I said a formal "thank you" for her. She's a wonderful woman. Human, with flaws, like all of us. But, she did a wonderful job raising us kids. We all get along, we're all making our way through the world without ending up in prison, we made it to adulthood. And she may have a sick ticker but she's got a good one. I certainly didn't always appreciate her. At one point, I know I couldn't stand her. When I was growing up but I have now come to realize that much of that was her bipolar and my bipolar bouncing off one another. I did some terrible things because of it. I remember I wrote some notes, very nasty notes to a boyfriend of mine from long ago. We're talking my first "boyfriend" here. I was in 7th grade. He was 16. And he then took the notes and showed them to my best friend while cheating on me with her. She then took the notes and gave them to her stepmom. And her stepmom said she didn't want her hanging out with me anymore because of them. I think it was an easy way to get rid of me in my friend's eyes. So that she and my boyfriend could "be together". Whatever... it was better for me in the long run anyway. However, I did always feel bad about writing those notes in general. Very bad. As for the friendship, that was the thing that did us in. And the boyfriend... ran into him some ten years later while at the movies. He had been married and divorced by then... and he was miserable as an assistant manager at the theater. While I stood with my friends in a group he mouthed some words to me... "I should have married you." Wow! Dude! I was twelve.