Paperwork and the DMV

A sliver of emotion sometimes has a way of working itself into your consciousness. It is so small that it should just pass with nothing more than a quick glance; no real acknowledgement. In this case, it rode in on the same wave as the feelings expressed yesterday. And, for some reason, it's rounding out the edges nicely. (Or not so nicely.)

The first question is simple... why don't I deserve it? Why don't I deserve to live a life I love? People get to do it all the time. Not everyone, mind you but people do get the pleasure of enjoying what they do with the hours allotted to them. Maybe not every last second (barely anyone likes paperwork or the DMV) but some people do actually enjoy their jobs, their home life and their extra-curricular activities.

I'm working on it but what does that sliver of emotion say? The same thing Miley Cyrus did in "The Climb".

"I can almost see it. That dream I am dreaming. But there's a voice inside my head saying You'll never reach it."

That same sliver of emotion also gives way to a follow-up feeling. That I am too old to be worrying about any of this. That realistically, I should just settle in. Settle into what I don't want and get used to it... this is as good as it gets.

**Shrug** I'm going to choose to keep going... to keep moving anyway, pesky feelings or not. Just wish they would go away though. Wish I could see the future so that I could tell them to just shut the eff up. But - I can't so I'll just have to keep imagining it and working toward it.