The Hug

The little one ran toward me with curls in her hair, they bounced as she did. Her mother and I had seen one another in the grocery store and discussed the idea of my visit. We followed through. Mom looked great, tall and lean. Happy. She wore a lime green shirt that complimented her. I made sure to let her know that.

As I walked up to the house, up to the side door - she bounced out and ran toward me. Her curls bounced too and I was blown away by her age. She had grown. And she was beautiful - as I always suspected she would be. I knelt down on onto the ground so I would be closer to her level. Eye to eye. Though she stood slightly taller than I do on my knees.

I could feel the lump in my throat growing large.

"Aunt Gem, where have you been?," she asked.

I had no good answer. Still don't. She held me tight and I was grateful for the moment. I was grateful to pull her back and look right into her face. She beamed a smile that I will never forget.

It was only a dream - but it felt so incredibly real. I miss them. I miss those members of my heart's family so much at times that I feel too overwhelmed to continue thinking about it. They were mine but life decided they had to become someone else's. Life decided mine was to be different. I still love them all. I do not know if that matters for something or for nothing but that does not change a thing. They will always have a special place in my life - even if my life has to move on without them. This is just the way of loss, I suppose. Glad that life did make the decision, sad that the decision emcompasses all it does.