Butterfly Stroke

I kind of have to wonder what's going on with me lately. I have no idea what I want from men... or relationships or anything like it. I want to be single but I want to learn how to enjoy spending time with guys without secretly hating them or being completely leery that they might be trying to hurt me. I've been doing ok with this as of late but still - I want more, more, more.

I have assumed for a long time now that most men either do not have feelings or they just do not have a consciences or both. It's very easy, after enough bad experiences to assume the same thing from all men. But - just lately I have found that these assumptions, while not exactly making an ass out of me, might be wrong. Or at least need some serious altering. I do not want to fool anybody... I'm not ready for a full time gig unless I am reasonably "sure". At least not at the moment but I am ready for some fun one-on-one time. And I do not necessarily mean the sexual kind.

I am in some sort of stage. I really feel like I've gone from dipping the ends of my toes in to wading gently. I'd like to take some good swims before falling into the final one. This - to me - would be fun right about now. I've got to train for the meet but no one has ever told me that training is torture... and look at all the good that comes out of exercise... it's time for me to practice the steps I need to take to perform the perfect butterfly stroke before I throw in the towel and start tossing around the phrase "settling down" a bit too quickly. I had said before that I wouldn't panic until I am 34. I'm starting to think I might want to move that age up to 37. I won't panic until I am 37. Yeah... this feels good.