Sick Of

Maybe my bitching yesterday wasn't all it was cracked up to be. Don't get me wrong, my job is not for a permanent me. But - while I'm getting my other goals in order (and completed) this is probably the best place I could be. I know this place and the work I do so I can actually focus more of my brain power on other stuff...

Like quitting smoking.

Friday is my quit day. It'll be the first day in approximately 14/15, possibly even 16, years that I'll go without a puff. I started when I was 14 but I know I did not pull it off every day at that point. I was grounded too much. By the time I was 16 though - I was smoking every day because I had friends driving me home. After I started driving it was a guarantee that I would smoke every day. When I was 18 I started smoking around my family. I haven't gone a full 24 hours since. Of that, I am certain.

I have tried to quit before by cutting back. That did not work for me. This time - we're talking "cold turkey" (I should look up where that expression came from...). It's probably going to be painful and I will have to remind myself why I am doing it. Besides the light wheezing I hear from my lungs from time to time. I am sick of stinking. I am sick of spending the money. I'm sick of the congestion in my throat. I am sick of coughing if I laugh hard enough. I am sick of being less attractive because I've got smoke coming out of my face. I am sick of having to go outside in the cold and the rain. I am sick of my car windows being cloudy. I am sick of every single aspect of it. But - if we try to look at it from a positive angle (instead of all the "sick of" statements) - I look forward to having more energy, less overall mood swings, more money, a brighter future, to being able to taste food completely, I look forward to not being embarrassed to say I have to go outside because I'm addicted to something, I look forward to having a healthier body, to being able to truly train for the bike ride... to not being a smelly trainer. To knowing I can overcome this obstacle. To reducing my risk of a whole load of different diseases.

I have so much to look forward to. Quitting smoking is just one more step on my current journey.