How It Should Be

I want to tell you a story. A story about a dream I had. Not the MLK type of dream but an actual while you are sleeping dream. And a story about the purest love I have ever experienced or I think possible for this world.

Earlier, I went out for a cigarette and I got to thinking about the cutest boy ever and I wondered if I really wish him well or if I wish him well because I'm "supposed" to. The fact is, I wish him well but it's not one hundred percent pure. There's a kind of glitch in there that's only human. A kind of skipping of a beat in the heart, a kind of thinking that he needs to go through some serious growing pains like all of us do. It's not that I would want to be in charge of these growing pains or even that I actually wish it on him but it's better to get the growing pains out of the way early so you can move on more quickly and live a full life... happiness, joy, all the good stuff.

So... after I had those thoughts, as thoughts seem to do, I suddenly remembered my Megs. My babygirl. And I got all warm and fuzzy inside, remembering what it felt like to hug her when she was all curled up in a little ball, sleeping or resting on the floor. She couldn't hear me when I'd come up behind her, at least not in the last few years but I'd get down on the floor with her and wrap my arms around her. She'd pick up her little head, look into my face and sniff. She was never huge on the kiss giving but she would do her little look, through her foggy lenses and we'd share a moment of just "hi mom" and "I missed you". It was always so nice. Then she'd get up, slowly, one section of her tiny body at a time and stretch. Tail up, hind section up, and she'd look at me. Then she'd head for the stairs so we could go for a walk.

One night... towards the end I went to sleep and had an incredibly vivid dream. Megs was sick by then but she was still moving around a bit, tired and worn down but still sort of ok. Her arthritis had gotten the best of her (and me) by then but it wasn't time yet, she wasn't going to pass away in her sleep or anything. She'd been through a traumatic few years. Between being uprooted from her home and her dad and brother (my ex and our cat) and placed in a new home with a new family (my parents) and then having surgery and ER runs in the middle of the night, it'd been a tough time for anyone who loved her. And for her, especially.

In the dream, she and I were in a hotel in Miami beach. We were running around the lobby of the hotel, when suddenly she took a flying leap out of the window. And she took off for what could only be described as a "grassy knoll" across the street. Right before the beach. So... I panicked, as I always did. I panicked that she would get lost. I was incredibly protective of her in real life as well so the emotion I felt in the dream was completely powerful. I then ran out the door, across the street and onto the grass. I started walking toward Megs. She was standing there. Not coming to me. People were all around, doing what they do at the beach. Riding bikes, taking jogs, walking to and from cars. And there was a man. Megs went to run toward me but he placed his hand on her. I started to run towards them. They didn't move, Meg just laid down under the weight of this man's hand. She just stayed there and I began to scream. Looking around, screaming out for help, about how this man was trying to take my dog. No one flinched, no one looked. But him. The man looked right at me with the most crystal blue eyes, eyes you could practically see through. And I stopped screaming. He didn't have to say anything. I understood it all just by seeing his eyes.

That morning when I woke up... I knew. Megs would not make it through the week. And within three days, she didn't. She had to be put down. That dream helped me cope with that reality. Because, honestly, the love I have felt and that I know she felt for me was so simple, so true. I didn't want her to suffer and she didn't want to suffer. No one did anyone wrong. I tried my best to keep her alive and healthy. I went thousands of dollars into debt for it. I'll be paying it back for quite a while. But, I don't mind. I got to experience something amazing. Pure love... just two beings who wanted to be around each other without anyone trying to do anything. No manipulation, no hurts. Just love.

I'm not sure if this is possible with people but wouldn't it be nice to try?