Ok... so my plate has been pretty full lately. Just not in the usual way. I've been keeping my social calender a little on the sparing side and spending more time in my apartment. I'm working on drinking much less and getting some real rest. Going to bed on time and getting some exercise. All the stuff I have to do to keep taking care of myself.
But, then... on Friday night... after I got home... I crashed. It was horrible. Truthfully, I knew it was coming all night. I just didn't realize how bad it was going to get. I nearly ended up in the hospital. Almost had to call for help. Then my meds kicked in and all I could do was think "thank God I survived".
What's this all about? Feeling trapped and scared. That's the meat of it.
Trapped in a job that's eating away at me. At my mental and emotional health. For the past six months I've been rotating. And I've been noticing that each time I rotate onto a new shift it's getting harder and harder for me to "bounce back". And this time... I haven't yet. I'm scared this is never going to change. And, unfortunately, I simply can't handle it. I'm scared to go to my supervisor because he's no help at all. He doesn't get it. My whole life should not consist of only two things... work and sleep... work and sleep. That's all he sees. He could care less about how I'm doing, just as long as his schedule is kept as is. So... I'm trapped. And I don't see myself getting out of here until I have my associate's degree. Another thing that keeps me in here but, yet, I can't go because I can't have my schedule all over the place... and I can't handle the stress of taking too many classes at once.
It's a bugger, my peeps.
I went to my old supervisor this morning, who also happens to be the acting manager. I asked her what I should do. She said get a doctor's note. I'll get a doctor's note. But, I'm still scared, really, really scared. Of what? I don't know exactly. My supervisor is no one to be scared of, per say... but I don't want to make his life more difficult. Of course... he doesn't seem to be caring about me quite the same way. Hmm...
I don't usually do this... but I'm going to ask... any thoughts?
Briefly Noted Book Reviews
2 years ago
1 comment:
I've said this before, but...
Get. The. Damn. Doctor's. Note. Already.
And quit feeling guilty about it!
You keep saying how you have to do what's right for you and that you spend too much time beating yourself up over other people's negative opinions who aren't worth it. And in some situations in life that's more than understandable... sometimes doing what's right for you really does hurt someone else and those situations are really difficult to walk away from without guilt.
But this one is a no brainer. It's a job, not a marriage - you owe them to do a good job, but you don't owe them your heart and soul in sickness and in health. And being healthy would help you do a better job anyway.
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