AHA!

People can and sometimes will disappoint. This is a fact of life. Life doesn't disappoint so much, just the people in it. Which is what most of life is. Our relationship to ourselves and to others. Yesterday I was told a tale of how one friend is simply choosing to not come through for another. The friend who hoped she would come through is living her own personal hell right now... and she needs support. We all do sometimes. I've needed others to hold me up at times, to provide me with a little love and caring and attentiveness. Sometimes I got it and sometimes I didn't. I tried never to lean on any one person too much. I hope I didn't. It's not good to bog anyone else down with your problems. The persons who are going to pick you up are not people that you've brought down. That doesn't work. But a little bit at a time, we should all give if we truly love those we take on as friends. Friends are supposed to be our family of choice.

Hearing words like "I have to do what's best for me...", while true, can be misused. Doing what is best for oneself is very important. If what someone is asking or expecting of you is going to damage you in any way, your answer should be no. And I'm not talking about being a physical hero here... I'm not talking about the fireman who runs into the flames or the soldier who gives his life for another. Those kinds of situations are rare. The kind of hero we can be will be on a much smaller scale. For instance... I need to take special care of my health. Otherwise, I am no good to myself or anyone else. If what someone is asking me to do goes against being able to take care of myself (once in a great while is fine but not regularly) then I know I have to say "no" to their request. If the person is asking me to talk for a while on the phone and I was hoping to read a couple chapters of a book instead... chatting on the phone is simply more important, especially when someone is having a hard time. The chapters in the book will always be there for a later time. My friend's anguish will not be and if I ignore it, my friend may not be also.

I do believe everything happens for a reason. We live, we learn, we are disappointed sometimes and exhilarated at other times. We go through the motions and we try to make our mark, some of us want to make this world a better place and it is through love that we will do this. I had my own personal insight last night. A big WHOA! moment. Or as Oprah would say... an "aha!" moment.

I have an illness that I will have to contend with for the rest of my life. Yes, it took me 10 years to work my way out of denial and ignorance about it but now I am perfectly content with the idea of taking medication each day. My quality of life is unbelievably better now. It's awesome. So... why did this happen to me? I know the reason now. It came to me last night. I finally get it. And it's exciting and amazing. What I survived is also what helped to provide for me. Again, life doesn't disappoint but, rather, people do. No one caused my illness, it's genetics. But, it's necessary or I probably never would have gotten to where I am. I never thought I'd say "thank you" for having a brain problem but now I do. And now I can serve others with the wisdom I have obtained through the entire ordeal. I've been told it's wisdom... I dunno... I just know what I know. And I know we have to love one another and be there for one another or this life is simply not worth living.