Perceived By Me

Last night I went to dinner with the Redhead.  We chatted about this, chatted about that while trying a little Afghani food - for me, a definite (and tasty) first.  Amongst our talk, I came to realize something that was also pointed out to me during my recent therapy session as well.  While neither the Redhead nor my therapist said it quite this way, I am going to say it. 

I have to get out of my head when it comes to other people.  I have to learn how to just let them go along their merry (or not so merry) old way without internalizing it.  I have to learn how to not let them bug me about this, or about that.  Things that do not truly concern me.  My concern, while at times rooted in an almost parental outlook, needs to be let go of.  Simple as that.  I may not always agree or always like the road you're on but unless you've asked me for my opinion - I have to just let it go.  Live and let live, as they say.

Why do I struggle with this so much?  Why do people usually get to the point that they really, truly get under my skin and I no longer want to be around them?  Not all people... just some.  When it happens it's undeniable and I end up scurrying away from them for one main reason - some side of me, something I very much DO NOT like begins to come out of me and this is something I want to avoid.  If hanging out with you depresses me (every time - I am not talking a once in a while basis) - I either need to learn how to shake that depression or not allow it to affect me or I need to just stay away from you.  If you are just plain annoying to me, I have to learn how to ignore it.  If you do not value the same things as I do on a large scale, I have to learn to accept that (no one will value everything that I do and vice versa, I realize). 

But - then - I find myself asking a set of new questions.  Why do I feel I have to accept everyone as my friend and keep them in my life?  Not everyone has kept me around and that's ok.  Do I only turn my back on those who actually do me wrong?  Or is it ok to simply shy away from people who bring out the negative in me?  Part of me wants to just be able to always accept people as they are and feel all warm and fuzzy toward them anyway but that may be just a little too utopian (at least for where I am in my journey right now).  When does the line get drawn between acceptance of people with their (perceived by me) flaws and rejecting people because of their (perceived by me) flaws?  Is this ok at all or is it simply morally wrong to reject anyone when they haven't personally done me wrong in some way?  Somewhere in the years of me growing up, I appear to have missed something.  Most of the people I know seem to have no problem with these sort of things.  Or maybe they just don't talk about it or think about it as I do.  Everyone I know - especially myself - have things that may be considered a little askew by others.  Flaws that are sometimes obvious and other times not so obvious.  And while some people are just a little too much for me in some way, shape or form - others are just fine in my book.  Despite what I agree with, what I don't, despite some of their choices or non-choices, despite many things, I still love them anyway.  Without fail. 

So, I guess the main question is this - how does one specifically decide that they do or do not want to spend time with someone?  (I am not talking about dating here.)  When do we cross the line into being just plain judgemental and when are we just saying "we just don't mesh".  My struggle seems to come mostly from trying to fight the "just don't mesh".  I wonder what about me feels the need to fight that or to justify it.  Guess that's what I have to figure out... why the fight? 

Another blog, another time.