Numero Tres

Last week I dated and moved on from Numero Tres.  Faster than a blink, yes.  Shoot - I didn't even have the chance to mention him on here.  But a mini-relationship, sure.  Not a real one - just a mini one.  One date, yes.  Enough texting to make me cringe (yes, physically - in front of mom no less) - absolutely.  An ugly ending?  Pretty much.  This was no polite goodbye.  I will momentarily quote our final conversation for you.

We had begun talking at some point toward the end of the week prior.  At first - at VERY first - it was fine.  Then, not so slowly, the conversation turned sexual.  One way sexual.  His claim was that he was just trying to see how compatible we were.  Really?  Maybe I am old fashioned at times but I do think we should probably find out if we have anything else in common first.  Just a thought.  Then, after meeting in real life and seeing how our chemistry is, we can maybe broach the topic of fucking.  This is not a matter of being a prude, it's a matter of simple respect.  As a full-grown woman, I am no longer all about just one thing.  The fact of the matter is that the most sexually exciting relationships of my life have come from amazing chemistry and attraction - not from discussing the compatibility of our sexuality.  (How freaking BORING does that sound?)  While it never hurts to discuss, discuss, discuss, sometimes it is best to just let nature take it's course.  One way or the other.  (Silly, silly boy.)  So - I called him on the fact that I would appreciate him trying to get to know me as a whole person and that I simply didn't want to go out with him.  His response was that he was just trying to see how compatible we were.  My gut was saying "no, no, no" but my mind was hearing him out. 

In the end I did choose to ignore my gut and I went out with Numero Tres last Tuesday night. 

Oops.  A few too many beers in and a pleasant yet not so magical kiss goodnight later, I found myself completely unexcited and uninspired.  A fun night, yes... a memorable night, not so much - once the slight hangover wore off.   I also began thinking about some of what was said, some of what I heard between the lines and some of how I just simply felt no interest in pursuing this further - especially after hearing THE voicemail.  (more on this in a moment)

He, however, was very interested.  Very, very interested.  He is looking for a relationship.  I am looking for someone I really, really enjoy spending time with.  I am looking for a relationship as well - but that is almost secondary to finding the "right" person.  In this case, he wasn't the right match for me, not even for one date more.  We meshed well over a few beers but what happens when we don't drink?  At this point, I guess we'll never know.

As for the message...

Prior to us going out on Tuesday night, I had been at work.  After work, I stopped by my home to put on some makeup and check the hair.  After that, I drove to the bar we were meeting at.  When I am at work - most days - my phone is on vibrate.  I often forget to turn the vibrate off.  As I was driving to the bar, it occured to me that I should probably let him know that I was on my way.  By the time this crossed my mind, however, the bar was already in sight so I decided to wait until I was parked to let him know where I physically stood.  At ten minutes early, I slid into a spot and promptly pulled the phone out of my purse.

FIVE MISSED CALLS.  And one voicemail.  Numero Tres had called me FIVE times in a row.

I did not listen to the message but went on to call him instead.  His tone was annoyed but he relaxed while I apologized because my phone was on vibrate when he called me.  The apology was simply for not thinking ahead or thinking of taking my phone off vibrate.  I often specifically try to remember to do this when I have plans with someone, in case they need to get in touch with me.  This apology was NOT for missing his calls.  We had plans to meet, not call one another.

A few days after our date, while my interest had already waned - I listened to his message to me while clearing out my inbox.  If I had heard it prior to meeting him I wouldn't have met him at all.  I would have slid right back out of that spot and headed home.  Here's the summation of what I would recommend avoiding, based on this one voicemail:

I wouldn't recommend assuming that if someone is standing you up or "dumping" you, that they would give even the slightest care in the world as to whether or not you may be wasting gas.

I wouldn't recommend getting angry because your date has not picked up the phone prior to the date - at the exact moment you called - anything could be happening.  If you're meeting at 9 o'clock - 9:05 is when you start feeling some sort of way - depending on your personality and thought process, of course.  Not at 8:50 or before.

His tone was what got me most and I began to really feel my "uh-oh" alert go off from somewhere deep inside.  A few days after I listened to the message we were still texting and had a date set up for Sunday night.  I no longer had any desire to bother with it so I had become a complete minimalist in my responses.  I secretly hoped he would get it but he didn't - instead he was crazy excited about our second date.

I confided in my Dear Friend about him - slowly letting things leak here and there... periodic as it was... and in her quiet way she simply stated that he did not sound right for me.  She was right.  I knew, she knew... my mom even knew it.  I was finding myself pushing toward a second date merely to get past my one date hump... ending it before giving it a real chance.  I finally came to the conclusion that I should let him know before continuing to waste time/effort/money.  And I decided text was fine... after only one date and also because I could smell the drama in the air.

Here's how it went down: (in the order the messages were received/sent on my phone - spelling and punctuation is accurate except in the case of "you")

NT - Numero Tres
Gem - me

Gem: Hi Numero Tres - I need to be honest, this isn't going to work for me.  I don't want to lead you on or waste your time so I feel I should let you know now.  Good luck out there and I hope you find what you are looking for.

NT: What did I do now

NT: Like what is with you, you say everything is good then this

Gem: You didn't do anything specifically.  I just had time to think about it and we're not a match.

Gem: No need to say something is with me.  If I'm not feeling it, I'm not feeling it.  I am sorry.  I wish you the best.

NT: Yea you right don't waste my time.  You could have at least have the nerve to call.  I have delt with enough crazy people.  Don't need another one all you Do is flip flop

NT: It's cool don't waste your time.  And I won't waste anymore of mine on you.  You'll never hear from me again hope you find your "match" on -----.  Bye

(----- is the name of the dating website we met through)

Gem: (silence...)

I decided to just let him have a go at it.  Let it out.  That's right... prove it to me that my decision was the right one.  Yeah... that's it... prove it.

Thank you.

And now onto Numero Cuatro... who appears so far to be someone kind of special.