That Body

Let that be a lesson to me (and you).  If you've been dating someone for a short time and you find yourself questioning whether you want to continue with it... and you begin to drive yourself and possibly your friends crazy with all your questioning... let me break it to you...

You do not like them enough to drag either of you through sticking with them.

When you mesh with someone, you mesh.  When you like someone you like them, you don't run around questioning it and asking everyone's advice hoping for someone to give you just the right advice to make you feel all better.  That advice is probably not going to come.

He has a good heart but my very first thought this morning was loud and clear.  "If you asked his brother, you'd probably get a very different story."  Sounds weird, right?  As if that should be the deciding factor... what his brother has to say?  Someone I have never met?

In this case, apparently, it was.  It wasn't specifically what his brother had to say... it was what he wasn't saying.  It was that martyr undertone that accompanied much of what he said about his family.  That, for me, was the deciding factor.

I struggled with it though - the thought of hurting him hurt me.  Not that a two week relationship is going to destroy anyone but letting someone down is the tough part.  It always is.  And I am not the kind of girl to just ignore someone until they go away.  That kind of behavior is not only childish but completely unnecessary.

I found myself slipping in the last two weeks.  Back into smoking heavily, back into not writing, back into not reading, back into not working out as consistently.  I found myself slipping.  And these were not good things.  Indicators that something on my end was wrong.  The best version of myself?  Absolutely not.

I guess it's time to find Numero Tres.  Numero Dos had some positives to him... just not the right positives for me.  Except that body... good God, what a body.