The Golden Questions

Who do I become when I am with him or her?  Am I closer to who I want to be when I am with them or am I further away?  Do they bring out the good a majority of the time or do they bring out the bad? 

In all relationships - familial, romantic, friendships, acquaintances, co-workers, even in the "enemy" realm - there are specific dynamics constantly at work.  Dynamics of how others rub off on you, what they bring out of you and vice versa.  We don't always think about these things but often, when we find ourselves immersed in the company of others we may feel this way or that, positive or negative, light or dark, at peace or in torment.  And after the immersion has taken place and we head out into the world elsewhere, things may itch at our brains a bit - we may begin to wonder what that thought or feeling is/was about.  We may be able to pinpoint it, we may not be.  We may feel good, we may feel bad - we may feel a little bit of both. 

However you choose to slice it (or it chooses to slice you), the truth is it never hurts to ask yourself the questions that I mentioned at the beginning of this post.  This will help you discover if the relationship you question is right for you or wrong for you.  If it is right for the other person or wrong for the other person.  They are not always easy questions to be honest about.  Sometimes they are not answers that anyone wants to hear.  It will not always be a matter of getting rid of the relationship, sometimes it's a matter of tweaking.  Sometimes it's a matter of allowing for or purposely allowing it to grow, both apart or closer together.

In the course of many of my relationships, as of late... I have been asking myself these questions.  I would like most of my relationships to stay status quo.  A couple are hanging in the balance of "distance needed".  One or two need a little more of my investment and some are on the edge of "over".  Some, however, are really in an "I don't know" kind of place.  The pros and cons list needs to be written still.  The balance of what is right and what is wrong both with me and with the relationship.  There is no controlling other people and how they feel (at least not in a good way - manipulation is bad and often not possible at all) so in many ways, it's also not completely worth using in your judgement of a situation or the health of a relationship.  In close relationships there is often the need to think of the other's feelings (and discuss the factors involved in maintaining the relationship) - just for the mere fact of being considerate of the "other" but you cannot always allow that to control the outcome.  For better or worse, you may need to walk away in order to be fair to both of you.

Relationships of all sorts can be tough.  Treating others as you wish to be treated can often get sticky during decision-making time.  As I have stated time and time again about someone I used to hang out with... "I couldn't stay friends with her because she drove me crazy most of the time and I found myself talking behind her back.  I don't want to be that kind of friend and she doesn't deserve that kind of treatment."  It's not always easy but often the truth is easier than what we initially perceive.  While you cannot necessarily allow their feelings to be the controlling factor, the best thing for everyone usually works out to benefit both you and them.  As a person with at least some sort of moral maturity, discovering this in between is not only a necessity to a well-lived life but also a necessity to being what many would label "a good person".  You may never be perfect but trying is more than half the battle.