Getting It Done

A man desires praise that he may be reassured, that he may be quit of his doubting of himself

- Alec Waugh

What is a small round of applause worth?  I guess it would depend on the reason for it.  If it's to make fun (say... if you trip and fall - and someone teases you with a "good job!"), it may not be worth much.  If it's for something you've accomplished, it can be worth a whole bunch more... for instance... if you have just received your degree and your family members start it up from somewhere in the crowd.  If it's for winning the Nobel Prize... well... I can't honestly imagine what that would feel like but I can picture it meaning the world to some people. 

What if it's on a random Wednesday afternoon - when a small group of people discover your secret?  What if it happens to be on a day when you're feeling worn down, burnt out and unsure about some of the directions your path could take?  What if it's at a moment when you're sitting back in your seat hoping she won't call on you.  Not because you don't have the answers to her questions... but because you don't have the energy.  Because you are one hour away from a much needed spring break?

This morning, I received an impromptu round of applause from my class.  Not because I said something amazing in Spanish.  Not because I wowed everyone with my intellect.  But - rather - because I am apparently doing something that even Numero Dos referred to as "hardcore".  And, no, I didn't win a Woody.

I'm going to class during my lunch break.  I hadn't thought of it as anything but what needs to be done.  I simply hadn't gone there in my thoughts as to what it means or if I'm pushing it beyond the usual limits.  When the clapping went on, I felt myself blushing and then I said "thank you" in an awkward sort of way.  I felt silly.  But - I also felt pleased.  A smile crept onto my face periodically through the rest of the class.

After leaving class, I found myself thinking about what had occurred.  It was honestly just what I needed at that exact moment.  I needed the encouragement regardless of the fact that it made me feel silly.  My life, as of late, has been very much about what I have to do to get it done.  And I was beginning to slip into wondering if it was worth it at all.