The Lack of Umph

I broke my fast last night.  Not in a hardcore gettin' drunk kind of way but merely in an after dinner drink at one bar (Tootsie Roll - yum) and then two more beers at another place.  Lots of walking around, water drinking and some Diet Coke drinking in between.  The second beer was left with some in the glass as we exited the establishment at closing time.  I was a little chill but that was it.  And, for me, that was enough.  I still got up this morning and took care of what I needed to do.  My dad and I went to pick up my new workout equipment and I put together the stationary bike.  My lil home gym is coming together nicely.

So... let's get to the date.  Shall we?

He is a good guy.  Polite, generous, a good heart.  I honestly cannot say anything bad about him.  However - I won't be seeing him again.  I do wish we could be friends but I don't like to do that anymore.  Friends with guys (for me, at least) turns into mess more often than not... if they're not attached already.  Not every time... but with a certain regularity.  And therein lies the problem.  The reason I will not be seeing him again.

It's not that he's not a good catch.  He's just not a good catch for me.  When we kissed goodnight - ignoring the fact that it was awkwardly put together - there was no "umph".  I need some "umph".  Some "that-kiss-makes-me-want-to-see-you-again" brand of "umph".  Truth be told, I had hoped something would click during the course of the night.  Dinner was fun (even with the lighting issues) and I enjoyed our time strolling around - stopping here, stopping there.  Exploring a bit.  Talking, getting to know one another... the whole bit.  The only problem was... I just felt nothing.  Nothing at all - besides that unmistakable feeling of what I will now refer to as "the lack of umph".  Some would say (including me) a lack of chemistry.

Maybe I am too damn picky.  My dad was more disappointed than I about it not working out when I told him this morning.  He said "maybe it would grow in time".  And maybe he's right.  Maybe I should keep it up for the sake of letting it develop over the long haul.  Maybe I am just too quick to bring down the axe.  Maybe.

Or - maybe not.

Maybe I have felt what I am looking for before.  Several times.  Not just once, not twice but a few times.  And not too often either - which is how I know it when I feel it.  It's a rarity but it's worth the wait.  Maybe it's not a matter of specifically being picky.  I don't have too terribly many requirements.  Though I have some - I am still pretty flexible in many ways.  The thing is - I am on the hunt.  I am not about time wasting anymore.  I am about finding "the" guy.  Or - if necessary - the "guys" whom I may first mistake for "the" guy.  That's fine with me too.  I've made the oopsie before and I may make it again.

"Sorry about that, thought you were somebody else."
"You've known me for a while - who did you think I was?"
"Somebody from the future apparently, not the present."
"That's weird."
"Won't be when the future becomes the present."
"You are a strange one..."
"Not strange... just mistaken."

He's out there somewhere (hopefully) - maybe somewhere nearby - maybe somewhere far away.  I just know that wherever he is... he's going to have the "umph" that I apparently require.