A Little Nugget

"Yes, you're going to write some sketches that you love and are proud of forever - your golden nuggets.  But you're also going to write some real shit nuggets.  You can't worry about it.  As long as you know the difference, you can go back to panning for gold on Monday."
- Tina Fey

My overall love life thus far has been more often than not, made up of shit nuggets with only a few sparkles of golden here and there.  And while I am not going to claim that it entirely depresses me (hey - I'm a writer, I tend to draw from the good AND the bad, after the hurt finally fades away), I am going to claim that it is a boatload more fun when the sunlight reflects off the shiny nuggets and the reflection hits my eyes.

While I could use Ms. Fey's quote here for writing in and of itself, I'm going to use it for dating instead.  Because as we look a little closer at it, we will be able to see how it can easily relate to both.

"Yes, you're going to write some sketches that you love and are proud of forever - your golden nuggets."

Yes, you're going to have some experiences with men or women that you love and are proud of forever - your golden nuggets.  Even if it doesn't end in happily ever after.  Whether it be a trip you took, a time when you helped them (or they helped you), something funny that happened or just a plain ol' good memory, there are the positives.  Maybe you helped them to open their minds a bit, maybe they helped you open yours.  Maybe you helped them financially in some way without asking for a return on the money (even after you split), maybe they sat with you in a time of grief.  Maybe you said or did something embarrassing and the two of you just laughed privately without letting the world in on the joke.  Maybe you both discovered a new food together - something you still carry with you, even after the relationship is long gone.  All of these things make you into who you are ultimately, little by little, nugget by nugget.  And who you are is an amazing person - with or without someone on your hip.

"But you're also going to write some real shit nuggets."

Yes, you're also going to have some real shit nugget memories too when it comes to the men and women that we choose (or happen) to date/marry/love.  Some of these memories will fall into place as a person in their entirety.  Some of these memories will surround mere circumstances.  Some of these memories will be the awkward, desperate, pathetic and otherwise unsavory comments, conversations and/or moments of realization that all of us have from time to time in our romantic endeavors, whether you are in it for the long haul or the short haul.  Whether you are married for 50 years or the date only lasts 15 minutes because you just can't sit with someone who smells THAT bad.  Or it could even possibly be a romance in your head, that never develops into anything more than a crush.  Sometimes it will be them, sometimes it will be you.  In all actuality, it's often a combination both - you and him or you and her.  Not always but often.

"You can't worry about it."

No, you can't.  You simply can't.  You will, but you shouldn't.  While this statement is really simplistic... it is also very pointed.  Worrying does nothing to help anyone.  If it is going bad... end it (or seek outside help - if it's a relationship that is worth salvaging, like, say, a marriage - or a long-term partnership).  If it's going good, roll with it.  If you're not sure, try to figure out what is making you unsure.  Is it them?  Is it you?  Have you just not given it enough of a chance?  Have you given it too much of a chance?  Whatever you do, however, don't lose sleep over it.  There is a certain sense of "what will be, will be" that would be very useful to ingest and incorporate into our romantic lives.

"As long as you know the difference, you can go back to panning for gold on Monday."

Whether you worry or not, whether you enjoy them or not, whether they worry or not, whether they enjoy you or not... the main thing is... learning to spot the difference between the gold and the shit.  Or the gold covered shit... or even the shit covered gold.  The good stuff and the bad stuff.  The negative or unhealthy relationship that's ignored by way of replacement (sex instead of intimacy, excuse making, enabling out of "love", putting on a face to the rest of the world while you haven't spoken at home in months, the list could go on and on and on) would be gold covered shit.  The shit covered gold would be when there are solvable, fixable problems that are currently getting in the way.  These problems come to all of us at one time or another but ideally - if it's a relationship that is gold underneath, you work through them.  So, whether you end it, you keep it or you decide to try it out for a little while longer - there is always the opportunity to pan for gold, as long as you know what emotional gold looks like - it becomes much easier to find.