Kids

So, lately the topic of kids has come up quite a bit. People asking me if I want any and things of that nature. I've always been on the fence with that question but I think I've made up my mind. Yes, I want some. Not anytime in the next several years but, yes, ultimately I'd like at least one or two. I'd like it but we'll see what happens. One friend recently said if I don't find a husband to have them with, would I go with a sperm donor. The answer to that is simple. No. I don't want to raise any babies on my own unless it's by accident.

However...

The more I'm thinking about it, the more I also like the idea of adopting or going with foster care. I would like to have a couple of my own but after that, I think I want to help the kids in this country who just weren't cut a break from early on. I've always had a little bit of that in the back of my mind but now I'm sure of it. Now that I'm generally stable and thinking it through. Could be a good deal... I have love to give... they need love. I want to be a writer, which means working from home, which would also be good. This is my plan and we'll see if life lets me stick to it.

Years ago, my ex and I had the oppurtunity to maybe adopt a little abused baby from a hospital. Someone had thrown him up against the wall during a beating. He had brain damage. But, he was an angel, according to our friend, who volunteered at the hospital and called to ask us to consider it. For one night, we discussed it. And we both wanted to. For one night but something got the better of us and we instantly changed our mind. Maybe it was the fact that we were never going to make it for the long haul. Maybe we both knew it. Or maybe we just weren't set up yet to give the child the life he deserved. But, I remember being really excited at the time... the possibility of it. About all the love I could give him. Let him know how amazing and beautiful he was, just for being at all. Because everyone is, in their own right.

So, I guess that's my answer. I've changed my mind. I do want kids, definitely. But, not for a good amount of years yet. I want some more time on my own, a little time to travel, time to get started on my writing (for real), and just simply time to keep living without the worry of taking care of anyone but myself.

Weird how quickly things can change.