Cranky But Happy

Over the past two days... several things have come to mind. As in, "I should write about that" or "that sounds like a good topic". Or, "yeah...".

And now it comes time for me to write. Yet, nothing is stirring in my brain specifically. Maybe it's the mention by Texan (or Alabaman or whatever else he eventually tells me to call him) that my blogs lately have been cranky. As well as a type of "congratulations" on how far I've come since this time last year. But, he's right. On both counts. I have come a very long way since this time last year. Honestly, if you had seen me just about three years ago... you'd barely know it was me. However, lately, as he said, I've been cranky.

Cranky. Cranky. Cranky.

Why?

Restless feelings... my want to get moving in my life... have given me the all around "blahs" in some ways. I'm tired of my job. But, I'm grateful for it. I'm tired of paying off my debts, which is the numero uno thing holding me back from traveling. But, it has to be done. Is it a pity party? Not exactly. I don't pity myself for any of it. I'm blessed to have a job right now. And my debts are mine. Whether they were incurred mostly by the surprise ER visits or not, it was worth it. Babygirl was worth every penny and she was worth me having to hold up on seeing the world.

My beloved just got back from Paris yesterday. And he said "you're jealous". I told him I'm really not... though I was at first. One day I'll get to France too. And it may be sooner than I thought. I may decide to go ahead and bite the financial bullet and go in August to see my French friends marry... again. But, we'll see. For now, I can look forward to my weekend away in May. Even if it's only Cape May. The boyfriend and I are getting a hotel room for one night. It'll at least feel like a mini-vacation. And I'm looking forward to it.