I Sent You

The fact of the matter is I know where the dream came from. But, it was still disgusting and harsh and awful. I woke up questioning whether or not I had actually done all those horrible things. After a minute or so, after coming completely "too" I realized it was just a nightmare.

For the second time, a violent movie got caught in my psyche. And I had a nightmare because of it. In last night's dream, I was living in a hotel and I was a murderer. Brutal and disgusting. And I had no problem with it. Not only was I a murderer, people all around me were jumping to their deaths from outside my window. But, it wasn't just in my building but the building across the street too. The last guy I recall, jumped to his death and his body got caught in the electric wires outside of the hotel or apartment building across the street. When I woke up, I had been staring right at him, watching him twitch and then rot.

It was awful.

The nightmare came from the movie City of God. While a good movie, it was tough. It reminded me of Kids... but in Brazil. And alot more brutal. Much more brutal. Kids killing kids, kids doing coke... it was disturbing. And because of the title I got to thinking, of course... why does God allow this to happen? Why is it allowed to get so bad? I'm not about to try and answer that question. The easy answer is free will. And I believe that to an extent. But still... it's a tough world out there. And instead of questioning the motives of the universe or even questioning whether or not this does or does not provide evidence that maybe there isn't a God (which I wholeheartedly don't believe), I'm just going to turn it around. I'm going to say "thanks". Everything I've been through... which is no small bit of crap... and it's still so much easier than what any of the people in the movie had to deal with. And how one guy escapes, realizing his dream along the way.

Slumdog Millionaire had the same feel to me. Reminding me how blessed my own life has been.

The man asked God "why don't you do something about this?"

And God replied "I did. I sent you."