100%(ish)

Back in the game.  100%(ish).  Getting some sleep, waking up in the morning like a grown-up should.  Back to working out.  Back to life.  Back and grateful for it.  Somehow, in the midst of everything falling back into place, I have come to determine that I actually, really do want something a little different than what I have been chasing for quite some time.

NYC was a wake-up call.  A good one but a wake-up, nonetheless.  And the mental breakdown that came shortly after reminded me how fragile keeping focus actually is (at least for me).  I would rather save up for the good stuff than keep accepting the small stuff.  I would rather focus on my education than on the negativity of my job.  I would rather date (or talk to) one decent guy at a time instead of seeing how many I can meet in hopes that one of them will be the "right" one... even if I know they're not the "right" one from day one - in truth.  I would rather stay home most evenings instead of running around like a fool and wearing myself down.  I would rather keep my clothing choices simple instead of chasing down what I imagine to be a "perfect" outfit.  I would rather just be happy than keep trying to chase happiness down.  I'd rather let it roll off my back than be concerned about it.  (Unless it really is my own deal to worry about.)  I would rather worry about taking care of me and what that means than trying to bend and fit other people's whims.  What's more important to me - keeping my job happy or keeping me healthy?

In clarity, as I'm having now, it's so easy for me to see it all.  What I want, how I want it and why I want it.  And this is why I'm happy with 100%(ish).  It may fluctuate a bit each day (with whom doesn't it?) but that's ok.  As long as I'm not running on 80% or less... I'm feeling like I can handle it.  This whole being alive thing.