Jig of Myself

On Monday morning, I hopped out of bed and ran to my living room.  I turned on my PC and waited for it to start running.  Meanwhile, I found myself actually hopping around a bit, doing a little jig of sorts.  (Only momentarily, mind you.)

The big day was here.  To some, it may not seem like much of a day.  Just a regular Monday morning, back to the grind.  Starting another class in a string of classes.  But - to me - it was what I have been waiting for (sometimes with a more active interest than others) for the last 14 years.  I was finally slipping into the chance to study what I feel I have been born to do.  The sculpture hasn't been perfected yet but it has been started.  The marble has been cracked.  There will be challenges, without a doubt.  I am sure of it. 

I began American Lit II.  And I am loving it!  We've started out with Whitman.

BTW... a "B" in Spanish 102.  Not exactly a thrill to receive but a relief after the disaster called "final oral evaluation".

I'm not sure if it's the new meds or if it's just some sort of something that has "clicked" within (or a little bit of both) but I am suddenly feeling very relaxed, very unburdened, very free from the type of anxiety that bothered me before.  Granted, being able to wake up in the morning helps - having that extra time in my day.  Putting less demand on myself helps as well.  Accepting that I can only do so much in a day, etc, etc.  I will get done what I get done and everything else will have to wait.  Accepting that I have to take care of me for once - for real - and then worry about others.  Been working as of late.  While I have moments of insecurity, that others may be getting frustrated or upset with me for my new mindset, my new ways... I have to admit, I need (and have needed to step back) for quite some time now.  I am no one else's responsibility (at this point) and no one is mine.  Doesn't mean I won't treat you right... or them right... just means I'll do what I can.  Everything else will have to just be.