Racing To The Red Light

I received a pleasant morning hello from dude this morning. A finger stuck out of his car window because I wasn't speeding quite enough. And that finger, I assume, meant "rise and shine". Then we got to the next light and all I could do was point and go "BWHAHAHAHAHA!". Got all mad just to get to the light before me. He pulled into the plant before me... ah... and he works at the same place I do... I should have followed him in, just to freak him out a bit. Instead I went to my own entrance.

My life is different now. Almost like I have nothing left to try and avoid. And I am depressed. That's grief and it will just take some time to get past.

I can only add one new thing a day to my daily routine. Today it was bringing my breakfast with me to work. I normally would do that anyway. Today I did. It's like I have decisions to make. About how I want to live. And now they're solely for me. Just for me. And for God, I suppose... if we want to go there. At the moment, I really don't have too much of that in me. My faith is still here... but I am frustrated. Last night I sat out in the yard. In my jammies, talking to myself and sort of praying... and I didn't care when I noticed someone saw me. I was just too tired to care so I kept talking.

I'm not snapping. I'm just getting used to things. And that's ok.

I do miss my babygirl.