Rumor Mill

One's past needs to be left behind. Yes, it helps to make you who you are but we can't hold onto it. You hold onto it, you get stuck. You stay in a rut. You dwell and live in what's not right now. As someone who's trying to leave it all behind and live a new life, I keep reminding myself of this. As someone who's still trying to heal from all sorts of bad memories, I keep reminding myself of this. I like to think I'm successful more often than not... trying to make things good instead of bad.

However - once in a while, the past comes back to bite you. You may be a very different person than you were before but still there are skeletons. Last night, I was bitten by my past. Made me shake, honestly. There are things I've done that I'm not proud of and there are things that people have said I've done that I did not do. Things sometimes spread around towns and from person to person with a steadiness that amazes me. The thing is, what you did twelve years ago shouldn't mean anything if you're not that person anymore. Some of us do actually learn from our mistakes.

Getting a random text message asking if you've done this, that or the other thing... things you acknowledge but don't live anymore... it just stings. As if that's who you are and who you'll always be. Makes me sick to know that anyone was talking about me in that capacity... especially since some of it is fiction. Growing up, getting through my 20's, I had hoped other people would too.