Staring At Myself

Stop staring at me!
-from a guy's t-shirt in Philly last night

The Texan and I walked around Philly last night looking for grub after going to a happy hour. We had the happy hour at Aki, a nice looking sushi joint in Center City. But - I guess neither of us were in the mood for sushi. I'm personally NEVER in the mood for sushi but I guess he wasn't either.

We circled the block in two different ways and found ourselves at a completely dead bar with a decent enough menu. I have to give it up to their pesto chicken sandwich, I'd like to have it again sometime. Well, besides the second half I'll be enjoying for lunch today.

As we walked back to the speedline station, we crossed paths with the guy who was wearing the "stop staring at me" tee. We couldn't help but laugh because he was doing a little something that made us look at him a little longer than a completely forgettable glance. He was arguing or rapping, sounded like a little of both. He appeared to be argurapping with someone though there was no one with him and he didn't look like he was in the middle of a phone call. I didn't look quite long enough to notice an earpiece but I highly doubt that he had one.

I wondered aloud, do people who stand out this much walk around the suburbs as well? I can't say that I've noticed them but maybe it's just that they're more spaced out so I don't recall. The Texan affirmed that most likely, yes, they do. Then I wondered, silently, if I've ever been that person. It scares me sometimes. I've been kind of crazy at times, mostly past but sometimes present and I don't know if I've ever drawn that kind of laughter due to maybe talking to myself that we broke into last night.

A little while back I used to volunteer at a soup kitchen. It was sad and hard and it had an odor that just smelled of stagnant life. No, I don't mean the smelly folks who crowded in to get a warm meal. I mean there was a sickness there, a different kind of life than most of us in modern day America live. It was as though many of the people there were stuck in the days of paupers and princes. Often times I would go out to dinner afterwards and it always made me more grateful to be able to afford Friday's. Still - I stopped going because it hit too close to home. I got too upset, especially once I acknowledged my disorder. Because I began to realize how close I really was to ending up in a situation like that. Only one paycheck away, if it hadn't been for my parents, and my brother, along with sister in friend, I could have fell off the map and through the cracks.

Yes, the Texan and I chuckled, mostly because of the irony. Though part of me wonders how blessed I've really been in ways I'm not even fully aware of.