Captain and Me

Some nights will just live forever as one of the great nights. Saturday night was that for me. Captain and Me.

I was fighting a losing battle with a depressive episode at the end of last week. My fuctioning was getting just about down to no gas left in the tank. The yellow light had come on. Luckily, on Saturday I still got my sorry, sad self into work. Was there a catalyst? Yes. There almost always is. Will I go into it right now? No. Because I may or may not have jumped to some conclusions that weren't exactly justified. We'll see... time will tell.

Captain was there for me. We hung out after I got done work. With my sweats on and my hair barely brushed, while the idea of makeup or jeans was a million miles away. At least I didn't smell badly, I had managed to shower this time around, every single day. Friday night into Saturday was actually the worst of it though everything had started falling around me as early as Thursday night.

Then, on Saturday night, as we sat around talking all night long, I began to feel better. Was it the beer I was drinking? No. It was the company I was keeping and the feeling that I can say anything to him without being judged. He and I have not been friends for a really long time but he gives me the security of a ten year friendship. Actually, he gives me better security than some of my older relationships. And I know some of what I've told him has freaked him out but he never made me feel like I was crazy, even when what I was saying sounded crazy.

Things on Saturday night eventually snowballed and became really fun. It started with me wanting to show him a video on youtube and somehow that broke the mood. I am currently addicted to Lady Gaga's Paparazzi. Addicted. But - the video is wacky and so is she. She seems completely normal in many ways but completely not normal in others. Maybe I identify with that. Maybe that's thinking it through too much.

Either way, he was willing to watch and listen and I was willing to do the same. We sat up and talked WAY too late or early, depending on how you see it. I was irresponsible, I'll admit it. I should have been prepared to be on time for my other friend's reception. I wasn't. I had to sleep because I took my meds hours and hours too late. Was it worth it?

Yes. Would I love to relive it? Yes. Would I still do five reverse crabs through the course of the night? Yes. (Though my back may not agree.) Would I take back anything that I told him? No. Would he take back anything he discussed with me? Nope. He said he hasn't laughed that much in a long time. I'm right there with him. I felt freedom on Saturday night. The kind of freedom that comes with being 18, the kind of freedom we all long for from time to time. Carefree.

Thanks, Captain for helping out your friend.