Chill

When I talk about this, I'm not talking about depression. When I'm talking about this, I'm not talking about mania or my disorder or anything of that nature. When I'm talking about this, I'm talking about desperately waiting for a change. A change in lifestyle. Something more conducive to what one wants from their overall life. When you look back, what do you want to see? Life is short, we all know this. How can you make the most of it while still keeping the energy to do so?

Rest.

I have not taken a good rest in years. Constant obligations, constant worry, constant attempts to make my life "better" have left me feeling drained. Most of my worry, I find, comes from the fact that I want to make my life more what I want but I don't. I worry that I'm not showing those I love enough love. But - I do. I just need to show myself a little more in the process.

I want to chill. And I am going to chill. After this week, my schedule starts to clear out. Big time. I can not even begin to tell you how much I am looking forward to it.

I know I want to relax alot more, I'm just wondering if I really will be able to follow through... hmm...