Closed Door

It was so much easier than I expected. But that doesn't mean I didn't cry, because I did. For a little while. Then I just talked and talked and talked and talked and spilled myself all over Grammy. Not literally, of course. She's always known alot about me, now she knows just a little more.

Jackass, as I am calling him now, instead of cutest boy ever... text me. Just a few short hours after I had already deleted his number. Because as far as I'm concerned, he hurt me for the last time the night before when I started flipping out. No one deserves to get any kind of negative treatment from me based on his behavior or anyone from my past's behavior. I will, from now on, treat each person in my life on their own merit. What they do and say... not what my warped emotions say they "might" be doing.

I've been treated badly for long enough. From now on, I won't be dicked around. I will not accept less than what I deserve. Which is caring and respect and all that stuff. I will be valued and it will be obvious to me that I am valued. Funny how me telling him it's too late to take me to dinner and then wishing him well but saying goodbye can put everything in perspective. If I could do it with him, I'll be able to do it with others a whole bunch easier. I needed to get past this... had to get over the hump.

I'm worth alot. And as Grammy told me... "anyone who has the opportunity to be with you is ridiculously lucky". (She actually wrote "isn't" but I knew what she meant.) Then she followed it up with reminding me that I need to cut myself a break sometimes... maybe she's right. But, it seems, everytime I cut myself a break it comes back to bite me in the ass later. Which is why I stopped cutting myself breaks a long time ago.

Still... as of today I'm starting over again. With everything. Or, almost everything. One door closes... another opens. Or so they say.