Bruising

This week has been ugly. Ugly and tiring and pretty depressing. It started out with roses... but ended up just leaving me feeling shaky and worn out. The shaky is partly physical. The worn out is mostly emotional.

The end of a year and a half long dysfunctional not "serious" but emotionally driven relationship (at least for me), another looking really good but fading out situation, and the goodbye to my boss who strangely meant alot to me. I say strangely because more people around here complained about the guy than liked him. At least in my little department.

The week started out waking up next to someone I thought there was potential for something good with and then careening down the side of a mountain over and over again. I'm left with a bruise on my left thigh that made biff and Grammy both cringe and kind of make an "Oh God" noise. Both of them sort of twisted away. The bruise is bad but the emotional bruises aren't healing quite as quickly.

Saying goodbye to Jackass has been an unpleasant experience. Not because I lost anything. I mean, all I'm ultimately giving up is alot of heartache and disappointment delivered on a unicycle. (And I do mean that literally folks, he unicycled on occasion and I thought it was cute at the time.) I think the most unpleasant part of the experience is recognizing how awfully some people can treat you. Regardless of how much time they spend on you... or how well they treat you. And it's not as though he was the first to behave that way toward me. I forgive but I don't tend to forget. Especially not all the little incidents that build up to become one gigantic ball of shit. But, I'm changing that. I'm fixing it. I'm going to do better from now on. Even if I have to let myself heal from the internal bruises for a little while. And possibly endure just a few more.

My Lenten promise... to be honest with myself and express my boundaries well.

When it comes to my boss, there's not too much to say. He was very good to me last year when I had to take my medical leave. And he was also a guy that I very simply liked. Yes, he and my dad were friends. And though they may not have been super-duper close, I still know he had some impact in our personal life. Dad makes wine because of him now. And it makes me sad for him. For the loss he must be feeling. And entire career now dissolved to what would be a dishonorable discharge if we were actually military. All because some dumbasses didn't think they would get in trouble for doing something illegal with company assets. The bruise from that one was my wake up call, I suppose.

The lesson for this week: life can beat you up. And you can overcome it. But, sometimes people do get what they don't deserve. Though I believe they'll eventually be repaid (and I will too), it isn't always so obvious when the bruises are just beginning to appear on the surface. Sometimes the bruises get larger and darker before they begin to heal. And at some time, they'll come to us all.