Sunglasses Inside the Club

Oh dammit. Every once in a while the overall title of my blog, Tripping Down the Path, makes sense. Even more sense to me than usual. Because when you trip, sometimes you fall. Sometimes you make a mistake but getting back up is the only option when laying in the mud, at least for me. When I picture my path, it's definitely dirt and it's the road less traveled by in Frost's great poem.

Went dancing on Saturday night. I had bought a new dress and new shoes and danced like no one was watching. In other words, didn't care how Elaine-like or Britney-like I was moving, I just kept my body in motion. However, all that motion started to take a toll on the ol' footsies. And I eventually had to sit down in my heels because the skin was simply being torn at that point. Felt good to move though I definitely started out the night by drinking too much. And then just kept the momentum going.

Meanwhile, as I sat my tired and hurting butt down, a dude came over to me. He had been behind me when I sat down before. And then he showed up behind me on the dance floor as well. I smiled at him on the dance floor and then he disappeared. Spice and I had looked at each other with a "that was weird" look but quickly forgot about the dude with the sunglasses on. Inside. Inside a dark club. Sunglasses on inside a dark club.

At first, I thought little of the guy behind me, dancing on me. It was fine with me. I didn't need to stand up for this. And my feet hurt entirely too bad to actually stand back up. He was close to me but I thought little of it. I just sort of kept moving around on my stool and watching out onto the dance floor from where I was sitting. Then I turned and looked. Dude with the sunglasses was back. It was him. Ok... whatever, it's just some small dancing. And I'm drunk. Then he bought me a beer. While he was off buying a beer for me, my co-Britney fan's boyfriend came over to me. He tried to check on me, I was too drunk and stupid to pay much attention. I was going to get a free drink after all. Basically told him to go away. I didn't want to lose out on my free drink. I can make some really stupid moves on occasion. He comes back, I take a few sips of the beer, I get a friend's attention at that point. She comes over to me. I ask her to check with the rest of the group to see if they're ready to go. Meanwhile, dude with the sunglasses is going to town. He's trying to get off on my back. She returns, I'm still wiggling just a little bit and no longer drinking the beer. She says everyone's ready to go. So I hop up and disappear. Gone. Before dude could finish getting his jollies from my lower back.

It's not as though I've never been in a similar situation before. Shit, I've been paid for similar situations before... and also for other more explicit and obvious acts. But, I'm not that person anymore. The one who got paid, the one who didn't care. So this time it bothered me. Deeply. Absolutely bothered me down to my core.

I have been told by at least two people "at least you got away". And they are right. But, I'm wondering... what is it about me that draws these men to me? What is it about the way I look. I don't dress slutty, I like to keep some things to the imagination. I don't even flirt. But, yet, I have found so many of these men in my life. Or, rather, they have found me. And I will shake it off. I just wish I had a feeling of pride accompanying me at this point. Wish I had elbowed him "by accident" or wish I had listened to my friend when he tried to alert me that something wasn't right. But I guess all I can do is remind myself next time.