Hero

My beloved said "you're my hero" about his sister to me. Her complete and total lack of co-dependency is the amazing thing that he was referring to. And I have to admit, after hearing about her and knowing about her... those three words have been running through my head quite often lately. I think she might be my hero too.

She's in a very healthy marriage, has the job she wants, is starting to get into the idea of starting a family, and really just wows most people. So much so that I once heard his mother bragging about her to someone at the grocery store. I overheard beloved's mom and wasn't sure if she'd remember me (and I was feeling strangely intimidated by the idea of saying "hello" - damn social anxiety and low self esteem) so I just kept walking. When I told him later that I saw her, he asked what she said. She was specifically bragging about her daughter's Ph.D. I told him and we both laughed. Who wouldn't brag about his sister? Really... I do mean that. She is that impressive. I mean, I'm sure, like everyone else she has her flaws but talk about someone who's got their shit together...

So... I'll keep on going my way and I'll keep her tucked somewhere in the back of my mind. My shit isn't completely together but I'm getting a little closer every day. And it's kind of fun as long as I'm not putting my energy into the wrong things. The things that I don't need to be stressing about, the things I have no control over, namely... other people.

I'll show concern when I am concerned and I'll say what I need to say when it needs to be said but being able to push stuff to the back of my mind is fun. It's nice to be able to do. And it's nice to be able to focus back on me when I start wandering off course. I know lots of you folks have always been able to do this, my mind just simply didn't used to let me. And I've learned a few things, I've grown a bit too. I am a little curious how many people are actually well adjusted, how many people are actually happy out there. I know not everyone but I'm feeling pretty good these days. Despite the lack of perfection in my life.

I'm kind of feeling like my own hero at the moment and I'm kind of really liking it.