There are some things that you can’t learn if you’re on a high all the time
- Spice's notes
The last few days have been rocky for me. My mood, my mind, my life just... well... I gotta shake it off. My beloved and I have been doing alot of talking about some of the very serious underlying problems I've got... in the dating territory in particular. My tendency to put myself in bad situations with people who really, really don't care about me. At least not the way they should. I've had this problem for quite some time.
I had a somewhat strange question that I had to ask him, to which he chuckled though it was a very real question. Before I state the question, I want to make this abundantly clear. Rationally, I knew the answer. Emotionally, the answer is something different than the rational side. Disconnect. I don't want to go out in the dating world again and make the same mistakes I have in the past. I've got to figure out why exactly I feed into the cycle.
The question is this... do guys actually want to spend time doing anything besides having sex? It doesn't matter that my beloved has told me yes, I am simply not convinced. This would be a testament to the men I've spent my time with as well as spent my time on. There is a part of me that still gets wide eyed about the idea of a guy going out in public with a girl just because they're a couple, that he'd be proud enough of being in a relationship to want to do that, that's what couples do.
This is not a pity party. This is an honest question. I'm coming to certain realizations that I need to come to find a healthy counterpart. When I see my friends with their significant others, or some of them, I know that's how it should be. Other times, I know that's not how it should be. Either way, it's easier from the outside than the inside in some ways. I'm wondering... can anyone answer my question and make something click in my head? Can anyone just answer the question? I really, really need to get rid of this disconnect before I get back out there...
Briefly Noted Book Reviews
2 years ago
1 comment:
You're looking at it backwards.
Effectively, your approach boils down to: find a guy who you like having sex with and likes having sex with you, and then worry about whether he wants to do other things with you too. If your only criterion up to that point is sexual compatibility, OBVIOUSLY the answer is going to be no the majority of the time.
You should tackle it from the other direction - find a guy who likes hanging out with you and doing the things you like to do, and worry about sex later. That way even if the sex doesn't work out you still made a friend. Your way, if the "other stuff" part doesn't work out, as it usually won't, all you've got is someone who is probably going to try and treat you as a booty call thereafter.
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