Footprints

“The times when you have seen only one set of footprints in the sand, is when I carried you.”

- From Footprints in the Sand by Mary Stevenson

Last night was a rough one for my nephew. He was alright, smiling a bit, talking some and enjoy his mac and cheese right after I got there. But once it came to taking his medicine, all hell broke loose. In a way it hadn't before. He's sick of taking the stuff. Twice a day. He doesn't want the syringes or the spoonful of yogurt. Either way, he still tastes the chemo. He still tastes the horrible stuff. My brother asked the family to leave, which was something new. I mean, how do you explain to a three year old that he's got cancer? As far as he's concerned, his hiney is the only thing that needs healing and that doesn't seem to want to improve.

So... I drove home, angry and feeling bitter. Cranky from watching the scene unfold the way it did. I love my family and that little boy so much, it hurts to see them hurt.

After I got home, my mind was briefly rested by watching Lost. Finished up season 4. I'm almost completely caught up at this point. My mind and body rested for a little while but my mood did not. I sat down in bed, waiting for tired to creep up on me and I wrote the final entry in my Footprints journal. Then I moved onto my new journal. The butterfly journal. This is the first journal I've ever completely filled. It started in May of 2008 and I completed it last night. I feel a strange sense of accomplishment with it. And, honestly, it feels good.

On my way to work today, my mood still not so great... kind of bitter and cranky about all sorts of things... it dawned on me. If I could fill up a journal in just over a year... I should be able to write a novel. I didn't write in my journal every night but many nights. And usually I'd only spend a few minutes on it. But, it was completed. Now I'm moving onto a new one. If I'd just dedicate the same amount of time (ok... maybe a little more) to my writing, I could actually get somewhere with it soon. Maybe by the time I fill the butterfly journal, I'll have written a half or whole book/script. Maybe... stay tuned.