Waking Up To It

Feeling kind of haunted at the moment. Depression is pretty well set in. Gotta stop drinking, gotta get my money in order, gotta cut back on going out so much and I think I want to give up on dating for a while. Just take some time for myself, without worrying about anything else.

I can't drink much anymore. Which is fine, it'll save me money and save me from both the physical and emotional toll it's taking on me. I don't know how this happened but I've developed a problem. It's not as bad as it was before the ER visit but still... it's not good. Hopefully I'll lose the weight again too.

As for my money, it's not in absolutely horrible shape but it's not pretty either. I freak out every time I realize I'm not going to get OT over the course of some weekends when it wasn't voluntarily. Honestly, there are several things I need to pay for that I just don't know where the money is going to come from.

Going out so much... both of the above issues can be addressed more constructively when I address this one. The truth is, I'm tired and a bit worn down. I am very blessed to have the social life I do (very busy) but I could use a bit of a break. I think working second shift sometimes will help me all the way around.

As for dating... it's all just kind of getting to me. I was visited over the weekend by someone that everyone tells me I should stay away from. And they're right. But, it was awesome waking up next to him on Sunday morning. It felt really, really good. It was a vibe I haven't felt in years. And I hadn't realized how much I've missed that. Not that he and I hadn't woken up in the same bed before but now I don't have to slink back across the street to my parents house or lie about where I am.

Still doing speed dating later this week. I guess I just don't know anymore.

Damn depression, kind of makes everything feel icky even when it's not all so terribly bad.