Cheerleader

This world will never be
What I expected
And if I don't belong
Who would have guessed it - From Never Too Late by Three Days Grace

Several things occurred this past week that got under my skin and reminded me how so many people are only out for themselves. I should say, are out for protecting themselves. They want to make sure they don't get hurt, they're not vulnerable, they don't look bad, and they are safe from any negative consequence whatsoever.

Last night, the gas station was just the icing on the cake. The recovered drug addict looking gas attendant whom I've always been friendly with turned on me quick as could be when he made a mistake. After the ten dollars had passed that I asked for, I jumped out of my car. Even then trying to be polite. "Excuse me! Excuse me! I only asked for ten!". His response was sudden "I heard fill." I corrected him and told him I had no way to pay for the extra. Then his excuse became that because the gas station is near a highway I need to speak up. Which one was it? He either heard me or he didn't. And this is how I knew it was definitely his mistake. Long story short, the cops were called, my mom brought me some money, and we paid up. I was angry. Not so much because of the mistake but because of his lack of apology. The only jab I got in was when I called him a douchebag. Not my finest moment but still, I felt the need to say it.

Throughout the week, I'd been in a few situations... none of which resulted in an apology though I should have received one. And this is where my real problem lies.

I am tired. Really, really tired of the fact that people simply walk around mistreating people. It's a simple problem with very complex reasons behind the problem. Those complex problems are people and relationships. We all get hurt. We all don't want to get hurt. And most of us do try to protect ourselves at every possible turn from getting hurt. But, what if we stopped putting up our defenses immediately? "I heard fill... YOU have to speak up". How about we say "I must have misheard you... how can we work this out?". And, maybe, it wasn't that simple. Maybe dude was doing something wrong and I called him out on it. Still trying to believe better of people, I will not jump to that conclusion. Though I know people get scammed all the time. I've been scammed before, I'm sure. But I refuse to give up on these folks who are made of the same material I am.

Call me a cheerleader, if you want. Call me naive. Call me principled to a fault.

But, I am none of these things. I am the opposite. I'm just not scared of being myself. And as myself, it is very important to me that I live by two rules... Be the change you want to see in the world, as Ghandi put it and Do unto others as Christ put it. I am not always perfect here... but I do try pretty freaking hard to do the right thing, most of the time. And I will not be walked all over, I will make my voice heard... as I've been nearly consistent with lately (except that one person whom I keep giving a free pass to... hmm...).

These are the two most important values I have. And I will continue to live by them, even when it comes back to bite me. In this way, when people disappoint me, as they will on occasion, it only makes me stronger because it won't break me. I refuse to let it. And I will accept that it is only their own brokenness that makes them lash out in my direction.