I spend alot of time alone. For those who know me, it's mostly at work... which is fine with me. Even if, at times, I get jittery inside about what to do with myself for 16 hours. I'll walk a while away to get a cigarette in once in a while and I'll debate ordering food. I'll think about how I want to start working out again and how I'd like to start eating healthy. Or, rather, healthier. And maybe these things are on the way.
And maybe I do need to start placing more boundaries on myself so that I can keep the pace and stick to the me time as just that - me time. Because I do know that sometimes I don't want to talk to anyone else. I just want to be left alone for a while. But, then I love the people in my life so when I do answer that call, I'm happy to hear their voices.
Last night we celebrated my brother's birthday and I spent another chill Friday night with awesome folk. I guess one could say I'm tired of partying and I'm tired of drinking. Not that I never want to drink again - I wouldn't go that far. And not that I'm not ever going to have a night out again. But both my body and soul are ready for a real rest. I couldn't have been happier just having a chill night with family and friends.
I am starting to make my voice loud and clear. Very clear. I'm not going to be that girl who answers a 3 o'clock in the morning phone call. Even if I did actually happen to wake up... and I saw his beautiful name grace my screen. I want to be a grown-up and just go back to sleep. I'd love him if he'd let me. And I wish he would understand that I am in my last year of the grand twenties, which have been generally pretty awful despite a few good nights out and some great memories mingling in the crowded bit of my brain. I am not the girl he thinks I am - I think that he thinks I am. I've got a bunch to me that he's never seen. I prefer laughing really hard because I had to go to two grocery stores to find Farina for my beloved more than playing beer pong.
And maybe I do need to start placing more boundaries on myself so that I can keep the pace and stick to the me time as just that - me time. Because I do know that sometimes I don't want to talk to anyone else. I just want to be left alone for a while. But, then I love the people in my life so when I do answer that call, I'm happy to hear their voices.
Last night we celebrated my brother's birthday and I spent another chill Friday night with awesome folk. I guess one could say I'm tired of partying and I'm tired of drinking. Not that I never want to drink again - I wouldn't go that far. And not that I'm not ever going to have a night out again. But both my body and soul are ready for a real rest. I couldn't have been happier just having a chill night with family and friends.
I am starting to make my voice loud and clear. Very clear. I'm not going to be that girl who answers a 3 o'clock in the morning phone call. Even if I did actually happen to wake up... and I saw his beautiful name grace my screen. I want to be a grown-up and just go back to sleep. I'd love him if he'd let me. And I wish he would understand that I am in my last year of the grand twenties, which have been generally pretty awful despite a few good nights out and some great memories mingling in the crowded bit of my brain. I am not the girl he thinks I am - I think that he thinks I am. I've got a bunch to me that he's never seen. I prefer laughing really hard because I had to go to two grocery stores to find Farina for my beloved more than playing beer pong.
I have done my fair share of partying and I am no longer interested in vomiting when I should be getting it on. I'd like to remember every detail and be able to clearly read what's going on. I don't want to have to wonder if I did anything stupid or anything gross. I just want to be and be able to call 'em like I see 'em.
Manipulation ends when you start letting go of the results of your actions.
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