Softening

There are awkward people in the world. We can all be awkward at times - in a variety of ways, depending on the circumstances. And, yes, that includes EVERYONE - from time to time. I tend to be awkward often enough but there are still limits. Not necessarily limits that I set. (I don't wake up in the morning thinking about when or how I can be awkward or not be awkward today.) It just happens when it happens. Just ask sister-in-friend about her stepfather's funeral. (Just thinking back makes me roll my eyes at myself - and chuckle. Not because of the funeral, of course, but because of the awkward way I made my way down the receiving line. "Awkward. Awkward. Awkward.")

Still - even in the goofiness that I find myself living from time to time - for which I can usually laugh about - as I said, I still have my limits. The truth is, no one wants to hear about how my bowels react in the midst of a story about a triumph in my life (unless the end result of the story requires it, of course - but any story involving my bowels and having to "go" would not be a triumph, I hope)... no one wants to receive a phone call from the toilet while I'm suffering from a stomach virus. People just DO NOT want to know. The fact is, I'm not even sure I want to know - and we're talking about my own bodily functions here.

Ok... we're not talking about mine specifically. We're talking about a co-worker. The last two examples are real and they were done (and probably will be again) by someone I see regularly.

We were chuckling about it when someone new to us threw it out there. "You guys are too hard on the guy."
Now, granted, others in the room ran with it a bit further than the simple examples (and truth) that I spoke of above. Throwing insults out there that were unnecessary at best - jealousy at worst (not everyone has accomplished some of the things this man has done - regardless of how his bowels felt the need to move from time to time). Ugliness, sure.

I spent the rest of the afternoon mulling over two things (besides the work I had to complete). One was the loss of my "Kiddo" buddy (he passed yesterday morning) - and the comment about being too hard on someone else who's still here. As the night wore on - "you guys are too hard on the guy" kept running through my mind. As I washed dishes, as I got ready for bed and again this morning.

I have determined that the statement is accurate. Which makes me uncomfortable. While I may not be as rough as several others - maybe I could keep my mouth wired shut just a little tighter from time to time. Maybe I could learn to just laugh to myself instead of helping add to the problem. This is about respect ultimately. I can't swear to you that I will never say anything again. But - I can try. I can try to remember that I'd hate for everyone to remember all the awkward things I've done, while in a group, while I am no where to be found. I would hate for those same people who treat me with respect often enough - just don't respect my embarrassing side enough to stop spreading it to those who don't know. Maybe I could also remember that while others may go down a road that involves a degree of ugly which I have not partaken of (in this particular circumstance) - that does not make my own actions perfectly ok. Wrong is wrong. While I tend to be a very big "gray" believer inner... in some circumstances when mean is mean... that's just all there is to it.