Four Weeks Later

It's been four weeks since I have had any alcohol to drink.  No wine, no beer, no mixed drinks, no shots.  And while I am more content and level-headed than I have been in years (since I don't even know when... with the stomach incident, it was forced so level-headed wasn't precisely what I was feeling).

The thing is... this level-headedness, this calm, this ability to enjoy myself in a way that I do not recall having done in a very, very long time is making me nervous.  Should it?  Probably not.  But - regardless of the shoulds or shouldn'ts, it is.  Why would it make me nervous?  That's a damn good question.  And one that I am having some trouble answering for myself.

My life is taking some adjustment right now.  That's all.  I'm seeing things for what they are... I believe I am starting to see some people for who they are (or aren't) and I am feeling more confident in my own abilities and decision making.  My own choices.  My mouth is staying shut sometimes when I think it's best... and it's opening up a bit more when it probably should. 

The strangest part to me... the part that is shaking me up the most... is what I am noticing.  What I am noticing about others and what I think I am starting to notice.  The questions that are coming to mind and the notice I am taking to what others say/how they say it/what they mean.  And I am making my determinations (for once) based on clear thought.  

For the first time in a long time life is looking better, I am looking better and I am feeling better - more confident.  All of the knowledge, experience and so forth that I had gained over the last few (many) years is finally being applied without my trying to apply it.  Life is wide open.  I am wide open.  I am able to function unlike I could before and I can make plans that based on that fact. 

This is exciting.  Nerve-wracking but exciting.  But - how or what would be exciting about it if nerves didn't come in to play at least a little bit?