Taking the Trash Out

So... I'm messy.  So what?  My car's a small record of things I meant to read, that I wore at some point or listened to in order to be inspired.  Even if it was simply inspiration to keep breathing for the rest of the day.  Or inspiration to try and reach a real, full, dark, deep and complete picture of my own internal wrath.  Or maybe it's the mail my mom gives me each time I visit her house.  She doesn't trust that I should actually throw it away.  Maybe she's right... maybe something will leak through and I will have discovered that in the last two years I have simply forgotten to change my address on that one, very important forgotten form.  Or... maybe they did.

For years, I have tried and failed and tried and failed to keep order in all things me.  Guess what... it didn't work.  I can be a mess and that's just who I have to be.  Too much of my energy has thus far been wasted on "plans" to finally get completely organized.  Lists, ideas... times spent berating myself for the sloppiness by which I sometimes live.  Generally, however, I know where most things are... the things I need.  I know where I put them.  I know where to retrieve them.  Usually. 

If I notice, it's kind of getting gross... I dust it.  If I notice that something is a strange color of white when it used to be pure, I cleanse it.  If people are coming over, I try to make sure they won't leave covered in cat hair because they sat on my couch (thank you, large rollers from Wal-Mart) and that if they go in to use the restroom, they won't be concerned about touching anything.  If they're eating at my table (or in my living room), I don't want them wondering what that thing is resting on the side.  (It's a bowl of soup... from several days ago... eww.)  Otherwise, I've got other things on my mind.  Maybe cleanliness is next to Godliness.  But - maybe - for some of us that cleanliness has to come from within instead of from within our apartments and our cars or on our desks.  Maybe for some of us this strikes us as a balance that we need.  Some people need to mop the kitchen each week.  I just need to make sure there's nothing down there my cat can get sick on or my sock can get stuck to.

If I want to do all that I want to with my life, there is little room for cleaning - just for the sake of being spotless or tidy or otherwise what someone else may care dearly about.  By no means am I saying that this is bad... it's just different from the way I choose to live.  I have and keep alot of stuff.  Most of it papers and magazines and ideas of some sort.  And it litters the inside of my world, which is tiny by comparison but just part of the greater picture.  Not everyone can live dust-free... some people have to... for a variety of reasons... but I am choosing from here on out... that I will no longer be ashamed to just let it go.  Within reason.  The trash goes out when it gets full (or when the chicken wrappings begin to make me wonder if one of my neighbors may have died) and the litter gets changed out twice a week  Remnants of food containers don't grow in my vehicle but old water bottles and the occasional cigarette pack sometimes do.