My Fainting Room

"Happiness is the sublime moment when you get out of your corsets at night."
-  Joyce Grenfell

This is the time of year when most people are busy thinking about what they're going to buy, who they're going to buy it for and possibly even the reaction they will get as they hand whatever it may be over to it's true owner (or victim - in some cases).  They may also be thinking about what they're going to get.  Only a few more days until we all find out.  Meanwhile, there are some who are reminded of happiness and cheer and how "holly jolly" the beginning of winter is.  The world is in Christmas mode, folks and for this I am grateful.  Even if I do not feel like them, I am glad to know and see them.  Minus the cranky shoppers who flip other shoppers the bird in the parking lot.  Minus those peeps, of course.

Just about a month ago things began to slowly fall into my own brand of winter mood.  It started about a week or so before the giving of the thanks and will ride through until probably about March.  Some days will be better or worse than others but it's tough to determine which will be which.  Unfortunately, the holiday cheer often gets buried somewhere underneath a pile of rubble but often still manages to get enough air to make a comeback, just in time.  Christmas and New Year's will come and go and some relief will filter in.  Knowing that we're plowing through the coldest of days... leading to the rebirth that comes in spring helps me to breath just a little easier, a little calmer and without the weight on my chest - surrounding me, clenching me.  Until then some days will be pulled tight and some days will feel like a sweatshirt resting on me gently.  Choosing not to push myself too much is what life calls for right now.  At a time when everyone else pushes themselves to the limit, I find myself stepping back and taking count of my plans for the future - regardless of how hard it is to run.  Even if I end up crawling, I will crawl across the finish with the hope that next year, maybe next year... I'll be up and running again.