I'd Rather Wait, Thanks

"Sometimes it feels like, no matter how much success I have, it's not gonna matter until I find the right guy. I could have made it work, he really fit the bill, you know. White collar, 6'1, college grad, loves dogs, likes funny movies, brown hair, kind eyes, works in finance but is outdoorsy. I always imagined he'd have a single syllable name like Matt or John or Dave. In a perfect world, he drives a 4 runner and the only thing he loves more than me is his golden lab. And a nice smile. What about you?"

-Up in the Air

My next door neighbor asked me a very straight to the point question last night. When it comes to dating... what am I looking for? For some women (or men) the answer to that question may be drawn out and long. A laundry list. If you saw the movie, Up in the Air, you may remember the young recruit Natalie rambles on with her list of desires in a man. She gives little leeway for finding what she really wants... which is love.

Me... I am just looking for the person with whom I laugh - ALOT. I'm looking for someone I am attracted to. (And if you look at my track record... this could mean almost anything... they have ALL looked different from one another.) I am looking for someone with similar goals and values. You love to travel too? Let's go. You love your family and friends also? Cool. Let's go visit with them. There are particulars that I would like but I have to admit, there is plenty of leeway there. I have a particular lifestyle in mind for myself. And something tells me that if I am true to it, which also means simply being true to myself, I will find him and he will value the same things as me. He may even live a similar lifestyle. I am willing to wait for him. I do not want to marry him or be with him for years and years knowing that I am not crazy about him. The truth is, I am happier single than spending time with someone who doesn't float my boat.

Am I willing to give it a try? Sure. Why not? You never know what treasure you might find sooner rather than later. Am I willing to let it go when it's not right for either or one of us? That is an affirmative. If I do not want to jump your bones within the first few dates then we can forget about it. (Preferably I would like it to be on the first date... that I WANT to... not that I necessarily DO but this is where leeway comes in - both the attraction and the first date activities.) If I stop wanting to jump your bones after a couple more dates, a couple more weeks or even a couple months, we should probably both just be willing to move on.

There are things I will not stand for ever again. And there are things I would not stand for to begin with. There are things that may turn out to be deal breakers for one or both of us in the end. Kids and religion top that list. What kind of car you drive is way at the bottom - barely noticeable - though I would prefer to not be embarrassed to riding around in it. (I experienced this once - and while I am well aware I was being shallow, I still hate the car when I think about it. Yet, I've dated and ridden in much, much worse cars. That car represented something to me about him... what exactly, I still have yet to piece together.)

So... when my neighbor asks me that question, I am able to give my answer with all sincerity. And I hope he is too, wherever he is. There will be and have been men who didn't want me for whatever reason(s)... and that is really very ok. They weren't right for me, I wasn't right for them. It happens.

So, tonight... as I head out on a first date with someone new... I'll be keeping my head up and my smile on (hopefully) and we'll see where it goes. Will I be thinking about him while I'm out and about, seeing a new country or will I be thinking about who I can meet while I'm there?