Before I Fell

I am sad about something. It upset me quite a bit this morning and now it just leaves an underlining of sadness.

Prior to getting medicated, I just tried to struggle against stuff myself. To no avail because it turns out you can't beat your brain chemistry with your brain. Turns out that outside help was needed. Sometimes this can be holistic or just therapy or sometimes you have to see an MD. Either way, there are simply times when you can't just do it yourself. And someone I know is struggling with trying to overcome something that is in her brain, not just in her mind. Not that therapy won't help... because it will too. Sigh... I guess I'm just frustrated. Maybe I'm just seeing reflections of myself.

I have pulled myself back from so much. And I put myself through alot of what would have been unnecessary drama if I had just been better sooner. However, I had to let the illness basically destroy me in order to get help and make things better. And it wouldn't have mattered how often people brought my failures or my weaknesses to the table... I would have just tried to make them better by sheer will... not realizing that no matter how hard I tried, I wouldn't be able to beat this. I equate it to trying to beat pneumonia by holding your breath. Yeah... that doesn't work either but it's worth a shot, right? If I could choose it, I would not have lost all those years of my life but it is what it is and I'm at peace with it. What I am not at peace with is watching someone else be in a place similar to where I was just last year at this time. The illnesses are different, different diagnosis but in some ways are very much the same. Both illnesses can damage a beautiful life and now there's help... why try to beat it on your own if one can fight it more constructively?

I'm just a little frustrated, I guess.