Spontaneous Anger

I'm all jumpy. And it's bugging me. I'm jumpy in a pissed off kind of way. I'm pretty sure it's PMS. I keep getting really pissed off, really quickly, like a snap inside me. I'm going to have a cigarette this morning. I think it might help to take the edge off.

Ok. I had a smoke. And now I'm realizing that one of the things I was aggravated about isn't such a problem. A friend of mine cancelled plans for Saturday during the day. The only problem I have with it is the way she went about it. We made the plans and instead of letting me know she had to cancel, she waited until I asked if we were still on. I don't think this is the right way to handle things. I would have appreciated being told beforehand.

So... I have a few options here. I could stay angry (which I won't because that's not me) or I could swear off ever making plans with her again. (I won't do this either. I'd like to say I will but I do enjoy her company.) I guess I'll probably just handle it by going and painting pottery either by myself or with other people. Those are the plans that got cancelled.

However, now I have Saturday during the day open. I could ask my friends to go to the movies. Sex and the City does await... or I could ask my bud to go to lunch at the diner. If neither of these options work, I can do other things. Sometimes I need these open times... my schedule stays pretty jam packed after all. And when someone cancels, I suddenly find myself with hours that are not full. And this can be a much needed break on occasion. A break left open for some spontaneity. Which, I believe, can be very good for the soul. Yet, I do get upset about plans getting cancelled... usually... because I look forward to them. I geniunely do.

Funny, I got angry instantly twice this morning. Spontaneously. That's not the kind of spontaneity I want but it's the kind I get more often. Could be three things... those moments of extreme anger that I can feel shooting through me. 1) PMS (which is what I think it is this time) 2) Lack of smoking 3) My disorder acting up. Be extremely irritable is actually a sign of the manic side showing it's ugly head.